[Essay] Please check my essay and point out the errors thanks.

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Faisal Marri

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The thing, I like the most

Every man has likes and dislikes besides his busiest day at work. A man engaged at office become stressed and tense. He needs some activity to do which can bring comfort and peace. An activity is required to freshen his mind so that he might be able to continue his work with strength. Different people different activities to do. Some people like watching sports channels while others find comfort in spending their time with family. In my case, I like many things to do but reading is something which I like the most.

Reading has great value as it provides immense knowledge. An illiterate may face many difficulties in his life only due to lack of awareness. In fact, he can only handle those situations which he has experienced earlier. On the other hand a literate can not only handle critical situations with an ease but he also capable of helping others by his knowledge. For instance, a peasant is only limited to his fields owning to his very little knowledge, while a person having Master's degree in agriculture is fruitful for the whole of the village.

One will be able to know the happenings occurring around by reading informative material through newspapers. It helps us to understand the Socio-economic and political situation of our country. It highlights the performance of country by the government and conditions of poor men. It appreciate the advancement and criticise the shortcomings. Hence, reading various articles can develop and enhance one's analysing skill.

Thus books provide everything that we want to know. It throw light on every aspect of life. Reading provides pleasure and satisfaction that is why I like the most.
 

Tarheel

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The Thing I Like the Most

Every man has likes and dislikes[STRIKE] besides his busiest day at work[/STRIKE]. A man doing his day-to-day work might become stressed and tense. He needs some activity [STRIKE] to do [/STRIKE] which can bring comfort and peace. An activity is required to freshen his mind so that he might be able to continue his work with strength. Different people like different activities[STRIKE] to do[/STRIKE]. Some people like watching sports, [STRIKE]channels[/STRIKE] while others find comfort in spending their time with family. In my case, I like many things, but I like reading the most.

The first sentence has no connection to the second sentence.

Reading has great value [STRIKE]as it provides immense knowledge[/STRIKE].

Yes, it does.
 

Faisal Marri

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What about the remaining paragraphs? Are they relevant to the topic?
 

teechar

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- Only the last sentence of your introduction is on topic.
- Your first body paragraph is off topic. It discusses literacy/illiteracy instead of explaining why reading is the thing you like most.
- Your second body paragraph is not much better. It talks about the advantages of reading rather than why reading is the thing you like most.
- The first sentence in your conclusion is about books!
- You still have some major grammatical errors in your writing. For example, there is no verb in this sentence: "Different people different activities to do."
 

Faisal Marri

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- You still have some major grammatical errors in your writing. For example, there is no verb in this sentence: "Different people different activities to do."[/QUOTE]
Teacher please mention, am I weak in tenses or in preposition And please suggest which portion of the grammar I need to improve?
 

teechar

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I think you could shorten some of your sentences to make them less prone to grammatical errors.
You should also read your own writing before you submit it, so that you can hopefully spot obvious errors, such as the missing verb in the sentence above.
 

Faisal Marri

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Yes I read it several times. My teacher also checked it but didn't able to give any satisfactory comment. So I left his classes yesterday. It was you who pointed out that the entire essay was off topic. I want you to give me a topic on which I will write an essay. Thanks
 

teechar

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Are you practising for IELTS or TOEFL?
 

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I had to quit because I ran out of time. Now, as for the essay, you need to decide what your theme is to be. If it is going to be about why you like to read then you have to write an entirely different essay. If you want to write about literacy in general, then you have made a start.

An illiterate may face many difficulties in his life only due to lack of awareness.

That sentence needs to be changed. Try:

An illiterate will face many difficulties in life because of his inability to read.


I hope you want to create sentences people can actually understand.
 

Tarheel

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In fact, he can only handle those situations which he has experienced earlier.

Try:

Somebody who is illiterate cannot learn from books. Instead, he can only learn from his own experiences.


Do you get the idea?

:cool:
 

Faisal Marri

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Are you practising for IELTS or TOEFL?

No, I have a competent exam in few months for the job of assistant commissioner. My foremost task is to improve my English language. I had gone for couple of essay classes and payed money. But ironically, they didn't even have few minutes to check properly.
 

teechar

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So, is it essay writing that you're worried about or your overall command of English?
 

Faisal Marri

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Overall command of english is that I worried about.
 

Tarheel

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No, I have a competent exam in a few months for the job of assistant commissioner. My foremost task is to improve my English [STRIKE]language[/STRIKE]. I took a couple of essay classes and paid money. But ironically, they didn't even have a few minutes to check my writing.

Am I making too many corrections/suggestions? Because I can stop.
:-|
 

Faisal Marri

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What's the format of that exam? Is it essay based?

Teacher I have some pictures of the past papers. But where can I share those pictures?
 

teechar

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Teacher I have some pictures of the past papers. But where can I share those pictures?
I've asked on the support forum if it's OK for you to post them here.
 

Tarheel

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You can click "Thanks" or "Like" to show that you approve of a post. In fact, I asked the question I asked because I wasn't getting any likes. :cry:

(I wanted to make the correction teechar made, but I thought maybe they really do call it a "competent exam". (Probably not. The term "competency exam" makes more sense.)
:)
 
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