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    Post May I have a correction ?

    As a french student, I have to write an essay for an oral exam, and I would like to know if it is possible to have a correction of it. I know my english is lame, and that's why I need someone to help me ... :(
    Here is the text :

    The notion I’m going to deal with is Spaces and Exchanges. First of all, let’s define the terms of this notion. A space is a place with defined limits and similar characteristics. For example, Sophia-Antipolis is a space because there’s activities in common, people who works in the same place … An exchange is the act of giving something, and receive something in return, an exchange can be between two or more people, countries, communities … This exchange can be a money exchange, information exchange, or a people exchange … Space and exchange are two words which have a tight link because there are exchanges between the spaces of the world.

    The problematic I will answer is: How the tourism is an exchange between different spaces? First, I will talk about the fact that tourism is the new world religion, and then I will explain what the consequences of the mass tourism are.

    To begin, we have studied in class a text called “I always hated holidays…” written by David LODGE. In this text, Sheldrake explains to Bernard what he thinks about holidays. They are in an airport, and Sheldrake show that the travellers do not want to go on holidays, they just follow the others, because tourism has become a new trend, and everyone wants to leave his country, even if they are not pleased. Sheldrake say that “Tourism is the new world religion”, because every tourist do the same thing, visit monument like they would do a pilgrimage, Catholics, Muslims, Hindus, atheists … They all want to see monuments. It shows that people of all the nationalities visits new countries, and that is why we can say there is a lot of exchanges with tourism. Tourists spend money, bring their culture, their language and get together in the same places. The sense of religion is very strong, because tourists can identify themselves in a group, and that strengthen the power of the exchanges created by tourists.

    As we saw, tourism can be associated as a new worldwide religion, and that sense of religion makes the exchanges stronger. Now I will explain how tourism affects the world and changes it.

    In the text “I always hated holidays…” Sheldrake explains that tourism causes a lot of consequences… Indeed, mass tourism rhymes with more transports, more consumption, and more production. All of this causes pollution and global warming, and that is why the countries of the world and the different spaces have to adapt to face this ecological problem. As Sheldrake said, in 1939, there were one million people who travelled abroad, and in 2014 there were more than one billion tourists! With that high number, the consequences are very important, and not only the ecological consequences. In fact, popular countries must change their way of life to attract more and more people, because in some countries tourism is an important source of benefits, like in Egypt or in Morocco. Because of this tourism, companies have been created, job appeared and, the more tourism growth, the more consequences are important. That is why we can say that, nowadays, tourism creates a lot of exchanges between the different spaces of the world.

    To conclude, we saw that tourism can be associated as the “new world religion”, because travellers do the same things and want to visit foreign countries, even if they are from different religion. The power of the word religion causes a lot of exchanges, and makes tourism more important. In addition, tourism generates a lot of consequences like global warming, or new ways of life for the countries, and that strengthen the exchanges between the different spaces of the world.
    Like tourism, immigration can be a form of exchanges, because immigrants bring their culture, their religion or their language in the country where they go, and immigration is between different spaces. For example, there is an important immigration from Mexico to USA.

    I know it is long ... and if you don't want to correct everything there's no problem, but I would be very glad to have a complete correction. ^^
    Thank you in advance and sorry for my bad english.

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    Re: May I have a correction ?

    If it is for an exam, then they are looking for your work, not ours.

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