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    #1

    New Neighbours

    Would you please correct my mistakes in the first part of my short story?

    Hannah was the editor-in-chief of a Stockholm newspaper - a plain, short woman in her forties with nothing remarkable about her appearance but for her long red hair that fell down her back. She was married to Thorsten, a paediatrician, a few years older than she was. He was a tall and handsome man who was gentle and never raised his voice. They had been together for more than twenty years - a happy marriage that gave them two children, a boy and a girl, who now were grown up and had moved away.
    She was proud of her achievements. From an unknown reporter in a dull provincial town, she had become a respected journalist and had won many awards. In the last few years, she was even a regular guest at the Nobel Prize Award Banquet, where she had an opportunity to meet the Royals and the intellectual and cultural elite. She loved her profession enormously. Her income and financial gains were always of secondary importance. She had become a journalist with the main goal being to make the world a better place to live in. Coming from a humble background, she was on the side of the working and poor people. Already as a teenager, Hannah participated in the 1 May demonstrations.

    Although physically fragile, she had great mental strength. She carried high a red banner in her small hands and shouted at the top of her voice, “Workers of all countries unite,” and other revolutionary slogans. Hannah fought against prejudice, discrimination, racism and bigotry of all kinds. She wrote dozens of articles condemning Western inaction during the war in Bosnia, and American and British arrogance and destruction in Iraq and Afghanistan. Tony Blair was a bloodless clown, and George Bush a bloodthirsty Caligula. The EU’s refugee policy was cruel and inhumane. The Swedish government should allow every asylum seeker to stay in the country. At the time when the suburbs in Stockholm were burning and the police fought battles night after night with the hopeless and angry immigrant youth, she sent her reporters on assignments to write something positive about these deprived areas. When a far-right party for the first time entered the Parliament, she labelled its leader and its supporters Nazis. How could her fellow citizens be so misguided as to vote for such a backward-looking party? She watched with anger and disbelief as the party grew in the polls, and her paper published more editorials in which she warned her readers about its hidden agenda. In 2014, more countries became members of the EU, and soon Swedish cities were flooded with Roma people from south Europe, who sat on the streets begging, even when the temperatures fell to -15 Celsius. Hannah’s paper ran a series of articles on these miserable people, who had taken such a long journey to find a better luck. Although they were not Swedish citizens, they should all be given flats or some warm place to stay during winter, instead of sleeping in cars and railway stations. The right-wing party wanted to forbid begging, but Hannah’s paper opposed it vehemently.

    Recently she had received many unpleasant emails and letters calling her all kinds of names and insulting her. People told her to move to a ghetto and live with immigrants to experience multiculturalism first hand. Some bitter pensioners reminded her of long waiting list for medical treatments and the costs of immigration. People who had been waiting for accommodation for years told her that it was unfair that refugees from faraway countries had precedence over the natives. A librarian wrote to her, telling her about his two daughters who had recently finished university and were unable to find a vacant flat. They were now living with him in his house, and they did not know when they would be able to find another accommodation. Was she aware of the housing crisis in the country, the man wondered. Hannah usually did not bother to reply. She would delete all such emails and throw the letters into rubbish. These rancorous individuals would always blame others for their own failures. Thorsten advised her to be more restrained and cautious. Lately, violence had increased in society. It had become easy to procure weapons of all kinds. You never knew what a psychopath would do with a gun or a rifle in his hand. Hannah told him not to worry. Those men who threatened her were cowards. They hid behind their computers and hated everyone, but mostly themselves. Their hatred and bitterness fuelled her resolve to carry on. She would never hide her political sympathies. An honest human being could not stay neutral in the battle between good and evil. To be called a communist, propagandist whore, hypocrite or worse was a small price to pay for a better future.
    TO BE CONTINUED

  1. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: New Neighbours

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Hannah was the editor-in-chief of a Stockholm newspaper - a plain, short woman in her forties with nothing remarkable about her appearance but for her long red hair that fell down her back. She was married to Thorsten, a paediatrician, a few years older than she was. He was a tall and handsome man who was gentle, and he never raised his voice. They had been together for more than twenty years - a happy marriage that gave them two children, a boy and a girl, who now were grown up and had moved away.

    She was proud of her achievements. From an unknown reporter in a dull provincial town, she had become a respected journalist and had won many awards. In the last few years, she was even a regular guest at the Nobel Prize Award Banquet, where she had an the opportunity to meet the Royals and the intellectual and cultural elite. She loved her profession enormously. Her income and financial gains were always of secondary importance. She had become a journalist with the main goal being to of endeavouring to make the world a better place (to live in). Coming from a humble background, she was on the side of the working and poor people. Already as a teenager, Hannah participated in the 1 May demonstrations.

    Although physically fragile, she had great mental strength. She carried high a red banner in her small hands and shouted at the top of her voice, “Workers of all countries unite,” and other revolutionary slogans. Hannah fought against prejudice, discrimination, racism and bigotry of all kinds. She wrote dozens of articles condemning Western inaction during the war in Bosnia, and American and British arrogance and destruction in Iraq and Afghanistan. Tony Blair was a bloodless clown, and George Bush a bloodthirsty Caligula. The EU’s refugee policy was cruel and inhumane. The Swedish government should allow every asylum seeker to stay in the country. At the time when the suburbs in Stockholm were burning and the police fought battles night after night with the hopeless and angry immigrant youth, she sent her reporters on assignments to write something positive about these deprived areas. When a far-right party got into parliament for the first time, entered the Parliament, she labelled its leader and its supporters Nazis. How could her fellow citizens be so misguided as to vote for such a backward-looking party? She watched with anger and disbelief as the party's popularity grew in the polls, and her paper published more editorials in which she warned her readers about its hidden agenda. In 2014, more countries became members of the EU, and soon, Swedish cities were flooded with Roma people from south Europe, who sat on the streets begging, even when the temperatures fell to -15 Celsius. Hannah’s paper ran a series of articles on these miserable people, who had taken such a long journey to find better luck. Although they were not Swedish citizens, they should all be given flats or some warm place to stay during winter, instead of sleeping in cars and railway stations, she thought. The right-wing party wanted to forbid begging, but Hannah’s paper opposed it that vehemently.

    Recently she had received many unpleasant emails and letters calling her all kinds of names and insulting her. People told her to move to a ghetto and live with immigrants to experience multiculturalism first hand. Some bitter pensioners reminded her of the long waiting lists for medical treatments and the cost of immigration. People who had been waiting for accommodation for years told her that it was unfair that refugees from faraway countries had precedence over the natives. A librarian wrote to her, telling her about his two daughters who had recently finished university and were unable to find a vacant flat. They were now living with him in his house, and they did not know when they would be able to find an other accommodation. Was she aware of the housing crisis in the country, the man wondered. Hannah usually did not bother to reply. She would delete all such emails and throw the letters into the rubbish. These rancorous individuals would always blame others for their own failures. Thorsten advised her to be more restrained and cautious. Lately, violence had increased in society. It had become easy to procure weapons of all kinds. You never knew what a psychopath would do with a gun or a rifle in his hand. Hannah told him not to worry. Those men who threatened her were cowards. They hid behind their computers and hated everyone, but mostly themselves. Their hatred and bitterness fuelled her resolve to carry on. She would never hide her political sympathies. An honest human being could not stay neutral in the battle between good and evil. To be called a communist, propagandist whore, hypocrite or worse was a small price to pay for a better future.
    TO BE CONTINUED

    Consider using "parades" or "marches" instead of "demonstrations."

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    #3

    Re: New Neighbours

    teechar,
    Thank you again for your help and your time.
    I have a question regarding my sentence. "He was a tall and handsome man who was gentle and never raised his voice." I have omitted a second "he", which is apparently wrong. I am wondering why I need that second "he", which you have added in your correction "and he never raised his voice."? Is is because the second sentence is an independent sentence or for some other reason?

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: New Neighbours

    In fact, I think "who" would have been better than "he."
    He was a tall and handsome man who was gentle and who never raised his voice.
    The second "who" is needed to avoid "was ... never raised his voice."

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    #5

    Re: New Neighbours

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    "He was a tall and handsome man who was gentle and never raised his voice."
    I have to disagree with teechar on this one. I can't see anything wrong with that sentence.

    Two other things. You should, I think, make it clearer that Hannah is not opposed to begging, but she is opposed to passing a law against it. Also, we typically don't throw emails in the trash. We simply delete any emails we don't want to keep.

    ~R

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    #6

    Re: New Neighbours

    Tarheel,
    I have written, "She would delete all such emails and throw the letters into rubbish."

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: New Neighbours

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    Tarheel,
    I have written, "She would delete all such emails and throw the letters into rubbish."
    Exactly! I suggest that you simply say she deletes all unwanted emails. You wouldn't normally print one unless you wanted to save it. (Maybe you want to show it to the police.)

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    #8

    Re: New Neighbours

    So you think the following sentence would be all right: She would delete all unwanted emails and throw the letters into rubbish.

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    #9

    Re: New Neighbours

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    So you think the following sentence would be all right: She would delete all unwanted emails and throw the letters into rubbish.
    Yes, if she has printed anything and decided she doesn't want to keep it then then she would throw it away. Most people don't print their emails though. (Keith Larson does, but he's a talk radio host. He does it so he can read them on the air.) I would simply say that she deletes unwanted emails.

    GTG!

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    #10

    Re: New Neighbours

    Since you said that she receives both letters and emails, I think it's reasonable to explain what she does with both. She deletes the unwanted emails and she throws the letters in the rubbish.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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