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  1. BrunaBC's Avatar
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    #1

    CPE writing.

    Hello,

    Could someone take a look at this piece of writing?

    Question
    A newspaper that you read regularly is conducting a campaign to encourage schools to teach more relevant subjects, or 'life' skills. Its editor has asked readers to write short articles based on the following question:

    What essential topics do you wish had been included in the school curriculum when you were a pupil?
    Write the article or the editor of the newspaper. (around 280 - 320 words)


    My article:

    School curriculum vs its Application in Real Life.
    I remember myself in a maths class enquiring my teacher about the necessity of committing to memory so many maths formulas as I couldn`t see any use in that. Almost 18 years went by and still have not I had the opportunity to apply the formula of Baskara. It gets me wondering if it is not about time we had our school curriculum revised.
    Far be it from me advocating against the teaching of math or any exact sciences, actually I think they play a crucial role in our mental and cognitive development. However, other more relevant options could be included in order to enrich students` experience. Topics that, somehow, relate to students` present and future needs so that they are more prepared to face adversities life may impose on them.
    To start off, I cannot highlight enough the importance of meditation from early age. There are numerous scientific reports arguing the benefits of meditation both on the students` academic and personal life. It is a valuable tool to help them cope with pressure, anxiety – which is soaring in our modern, fast-paced lifestyle – and most importantly, to raise their self-awareness. Not only does meditation produces all these benefits, but also it has proved to be an efficient way to reduce aggressiveness, consequently keeping bullying at bay.
    Another topic which is much relevant to our reality is gardening. Considering all the environmental appeal, including gardening in the curriculum is a fantastic way to engage students, especially kids – who do not miss out an opportunity to play in the soil. There are a number of schools in Brazil which have included this activity in their curriculum and students really seem to enjoy it, because they get to see how the small seed develops into a lettuce, or a carrot or whatever you like. It also encourages them to eat more healthily as they can`t wait to taste to product of their work. Literally.
    To conclude, there are many options that could be considered to add up to students` needs, and they will vary vastly depending on students` age, gender and geographical location. The world is evolving, so does our educational system.
    Not a teacher.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: CPE writing.

    I would say that the kids don't miss a chance to play in the dirt.

  3. Dena11's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: CPE writing.

    Hi BrunaBC, you make a good argument but there is some wordiness in the passage. I suggest the following revisions to the first paragraph:

    School curriculum vs its Application in Real Life.
    Is it Time to Revise Our Curriculum?

    I remember myself in a maths class enquiring my teacher about the necessity of committing to memory so many maths formulas as I couldn`t see any use in that
    committing math formulas to memory in school and wondering why it was necessary. Almost 18 years went by Nearly eighteen years laterstill have not I still have not had the an opportunity to apply the Baskara formula, which makes me wondering if it is not about time to revise we had our school curriculum revised.

    Hope that helps,

    Dena
    Editor and writer. Not a teacher.

    “Remove the comma, replace the comma, remove the comma, replace the comma...”
    - R.D. Ronald


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