[Essay] AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

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Amrah

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AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

IS THE PRESS TOO POWERFUL?

The Press in general, is continuing to do more good than harm in spite of its frequent involvement in scandals. A serious look into real reasons prompting the Press power being put into question, may reveal a variety of irregularities as looking forward to drawing a line in the sand in this regard for the interest of the general public, may be treading on thin ice. Scrupulously known for the great values such as neutrality, informative and above all fighters of freedom of speech, on which their profession (journalism) is founded, are gradually being eroded, consequently leaving room to compromise, relentlessness from the Paparazzi and further abuse from the Press and this is in light of Murdock’s Empire scandal. As a result, the question of delimiting the Press arose amid public outrage over phone hackings that saw many socially, physically and mentally reduced to tatters. We thought that that was the worst it could ever get but to our at most surprise, the course of action taken against such violation of human rights didn’t live to our expectations simply because people in positions such as politicians, Media company owners decided to sit back. Of course we do recognize those few whose efforts were futile.
It seems like any reforms to efficiently counter unscrupulous Media companies won’t be in place any sooner as those involved manage to walk away every time they’re arraigned. Sometimes, legal battles against giant Media companies are won even before they start because of their financial status. The financial disparity within the Media as a whole isn’t loosening things up at all but rather adding to the already tight situation. It’s increasingly becoming delicate to make laws to control the Press without trampling upon the irrefutable right to freedom of speech. Democracy is weighing on populations as a supposed restriction of the Media would either mean censorship or dictatorship in one way or the other. There is a price to pay as western democratic proclaimers. Nevertheless, all is not lost as sources have it that the government is looking into it as well as allocating the required funds and those charged with human rights violation related to intrusion of personal private affairs will be more likely to be on the losing end should the court decide.
 

emsr2d2

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Welcome to the forum. :hi:

What is the purpose of your essay? When will you submit it to your teacher/tutor?
 

Amrah

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Thank you. The purpose of my essay is to check my level of english before i can hand it in on friday.
 
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emsr2d2

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Thank you. The purpose of my essay is to check my level of English before I [strike]can[/strike] hand it in on Friday.

As stated in the forum guidelines/rules, we cannot help with any homework or assignment which is going to be submitted for grading or marking. Your teacher wants to see your work.

After you get it back from your teacher, you can come back to us for help if you don't understand any of your teacher's comments or corrections.

Good luck.
 

emsr2d2

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

I note that you have posted an exact copy of this essay again today. That post has been deleted. You were due to submit this essay a couple of Fridays ago. Did you submit it? What mark did you get? What comments did your teacher make?
 
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Amrah

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

I posted the same post due to the thread you closed as i could not post notifying you of any pogress. Ofcourse i did submit it on the mentioned date. I can scan and send it should you wish to see. I really wanted to have your opinion before i could tell you the outcome as i fear that whatever you could read from me might influence your point of view. What do you suggest?
 

emsr2d2

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

I posted the same post due to the thread you closed as I could not post notifying you of any progress. Of course I [STRIKE]did[/STRIKE] submitted it on the mentioned date. I can scan it and send it should you wish to see it. I really wanted to have your opinion before I [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] tell you the outcome as I fear that whatever you could read from me might influence your point of view. What do you suggest?

I suggest that you do what we asked in the first place. We want to know what your teacher said about it and which, if any, of your teacher's comments or corrections don't make sense to you (and why). There is no point in our duplicating the work that has already been done by your teacher.

Note my corrections above. You must learn to capitalise the word "I" every time you write/type it.
 

teechar

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

I really wanted to have your opinion before I could tell you the outcome as I fear that whatever you [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] read from me might influence your point of view.
You needn't worry about that. We'll tell you whether we agree/disagree with your teacher, and we'll tell you the reason for that.
 

Amrah

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Hi, thank you for your replies.
First and foremost she gave me a 10 out of 20. She said that the piece of writing in question was too complicated where as i could have made it much simpler. In addition she said that from; "A serious look.....................Murdock's Empire scandal," was all but alot redundant sentences that could have been summed up in just but two sentences. And in between the lines, she asks what my subject is after," .....is founded, are gradually being....". And from,"Its increasingly becoming......................proclaimers" was incomprehensible/not clear.

Well, there is everything.
 

Tarheel

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Amrah, you need to make shorter, simpler sentences. You tend to run your sentences together, and it's confusing.

Did she mean "a lot of redundant sentences"?

Strive for clarity.

Keep it simple.

Once you have achieved a certain level of fluency, you can compose more complex sentences. But they still have to make sense.
:)

Post your essay here a few sentences at a time.
:)
 

emsr2d2

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Post your revised​ essay here a few sentences at a time.
 

Amrah

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Yes she did say unnecessary sentences and insisted that I should go straight to the point. And by the way when you say that I should keep it simple, do you mean I should not try to complexify my sentences or is there more to it than that??

Alright here is my essay, a few sentences at time.


The Press in general, is continuing to do more good than harm in spite of its frequent involvement in scandals. A serious look into real reasons prompting the Press power being put into question, may reveal a variety of irregularities as looking forward to drawing a line in the sand in this regard for the interest of the general public, may be treading on thin ice.
 

Amrah

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Okay here it goes.


The Press in general, is continuing to do more good than harm in spite of its frequent involvement in scandals. A serious look into real reasons prompting the Press power being put into question, may reveal a variety of irregularities as looking forward to drawing a line in the sand in this regard for the interest of the general public, may be treading on thin ice.
 

Tarheel

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

For the first sentence, say:

The press in general does more good than harm in spite of its frequent involvement in scandals.

What does that involvement consist of?
 

Tarheel

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

So if "the press" were to be investigated some irregularities might be found?
 

teechar

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

complexify
Amrah, this is not a word in English, and the spell checker would have alerted you to that as you were typing it.
The verb you want is "complicate."
 
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Amrah

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Irregularities such as lack of impartiality. Concerning the word "complexify" my dictionary and a number of several online dictionaries are telling me otherwise. So am not quite sure on what I should refer to for certainty.

Here is my next sentence.

A serious look into real reasons prompting the Press power being put into question, may reveal a variety of irregularities as looking forward to drawing a line in the sand in this regard for the interest of the general public, may be treading on thin ice
 

Tarheel

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

The word "press" need not be capitalized.

Being partial might be considered an irregularity some places. However, I would expect an irregularity to be something that might get somebody in legal trouble.
 

Amrah

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Guess I wasn't pragmatic enough.
 

Tarheel

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Re: AM I IN THE TOPIC: "Is the Press too powerful?", please rate my work out of 20

Guess I wasn't pragmatic enough.

I don't know about that, but it is an interesting discussion.

Government officials tend to dislike being criticised. However, they don't mind favorable commentary.
 
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