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    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Tamil
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      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: May 2015
    • Posts: 63
    #1

    I remember everything

    I remember everything like it happened just yesterday. We were all poised in our front veranda, sipping away on grandma's old and well-kept secret cinnamon-laced black coffee. Suddenly, all attention was diverted on to me! My unusual behavior was laid down, and I felt like a lab rat ready to be dissected! Scared stiff!

    Errors?

  1. Dena11's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
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      • United States
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      • United States

    • Join Date: Oct 2015
    • Posts: 34
    #2

    Re: I remember everything

    Beware of overwriting. Detail is important, but use it sparingly and with intention.

    "I remember everything as if it were yesterday. We were sipping Grandma's cinnamon-laced coffee on the veranda when, suddenly, everyone's attention was on me! My unusual behavior was exposed, and I felt like a lab rat ready to be dissected!"

    The phrase "I remember everything as if it were yesterday" is a bit cliched, perhaps you can find another way to express this.
    Last edited by Dena11; 23-Nov-2015 at 20:07. Reason: typo
    Editor and writer. Not a teacher.

    “Remove the comma, replace the comma, remove the comma, replace the comma...”
    - R.D. Ronald


  2. Piscean's Avatar
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      • Native Language:
      • British English
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      • Czech Republic
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      • Czech Republic

    • Join Date: Jul 2015
    • Posts: 10,017
    #3

    Re: I remember everything

    If you were not happy with the answer you received here, kuben, you should have asked follow-up questions in that forum.

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