Only if we persevere

[kuben123]

Only if we persevere, will we be able to achieve recognition and greatness. A very good example of this is the great Mr. Bill Porter. He rose from obscurity, despite facing immeasurable adversities. Born with cerebral palsy, he refused to go on disability. Instead, he persuaded the Great Watkins Incorporated for which, he later became a spokesperson to employ him as a door to door sales person.

He later became the top grossing salesperson of Watkins Incorporated. This was the same person who was stricken with cerebral palsy! His speech blatantly slurred, his back was bent, one arm twisted behind him and the other barely able to hold a pen.

As grotesque as the situation was, he would not give up! His fighting spirit was big enough to overcome all forms of defeatist thoughts. All of us have the resilience and the perseverance that he has. Use it to cultivate an undying spirit and desire for personal betterment.

Are there any errors?

 

[probus]

Several inappropriate commas, and some commas that should be there but are not. Also, great should not be capitalized, if indeed it should be there at all; I have never heard of Watkins Inc. And one extremely doubtful proposition, given the context: "All of us have the resilience and the perseverance that he has." All of us do not. Otherwise, why bother to write the piece in the first place?

Only if we persevere will we be able to achieve recognition and greatness. A very good example of this is the great Mr. Bill Porter. He rose from obscurity, despite facing immeasurable adversities. Born with cerebral palsy, he refused to go on disability. Instead, he persuaded the Great Watkins Incorporated, for which he later became a spokesperson, to employ him as a door to door sales person.

He later became the top grossing salesperson of Watkins Incorporated. This was the same person who was stricken with cerebral palsy! His speech blatantly slurred, his back was bent, one arm twisted behind him and the other barely able to hold a pen.

As grotesque as the situation was, he would not give up! His fighting spirit was big enough to overcome all forms of defeatist thoughts. All of us have the resilience and the perseverance that he has. Use it to cultivate an undying spirit and desire for personal betterment.

Are there any errors?

 

[kuben123]

Only if we persevere will we be able to achieve recognition and greatness. A very good example of this is the great Mr. Bill Porter. He rose from obscurity, despite facing immeasurable adversities. Born with cerebral palsy, he refused to go on disability. Instead, he persuaded the Watkins Incorporated, for which he later became a spokesperson, to employ him as a door to door sales person.

He later became the top grossing salesperson of Watkins Incorporated. This was the same person who was stricken with cerebral palsy! His speech blatantly slurred, his back was bent, one arm twisted behind him and the other barely able to hold a pen.

As grotesque as the situation was, he would not give up! His fighting spirit was big enough to overcome all forms of defeatist thoughts. All of us do not have the resilience and the perseverance that he has, but we should try and cultivate an undying spirit and desire for personal betterment.Only then will we be able to succeed in all of our endeavours.

Any errors in the last paragraph ?