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  1. Newbie
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      • Native Language:
      • Tajik
      • Home Country:
      • Tajikistan
      • Current Location:
      • Tajikistan

    • Join Date: Nov 2015
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    #1

    Lightbulb Ielts General!Personal letter!Need your help!Check my essay,please!

    You have recently started work in a new company.

    Write a letter to an English - speaking friend. In your letter

    -explain why you changed jobs
    -describe your new job
    -tell him/her your other news

    Dear Jennifer,

    Hope you are doing well.

    I am sorry I haven't written for so long. I am writing to tell you about my new job.

    Since you know that my previous job fully satisfied me, you must have a million questions running through your mind right now. I hope I can tell you enough to put your mind at ease until we meet in summer, when I will go to drop by you to Beijing. Two months ago the Relations Relations Department of my company, where I worked before stopped to working. Due to decreasing the production. It happens because my employer starts his new business, which focus on local area, and he spending all his financial resources to this new company. Well, any way, so , and now I have a new job. Do you remember I told you, during my last year on college, I took an intenship in bank. Now, I am working as an international consultant in this bank. This is a big company and have a huge number of international partners around the world.For this moment, I am dealing with Middle-East partners. I found my new responsibilities so interesting. Also, my colleagues are so friendly.In sum, I like my new job.

    It will be such a pleasure to see you again this summer. We sure will have a great time catching up with each other. You have always been a cherished friend, no matter how far you are from me.

    With love,
    Madina

  2. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 6,180
    #2

    Re: Ielts General!Personal letter!Need your help!Check my essay,please!

    Quote Originally Posted by MadinaR View Post
    Dear Jennifer,

    I hope you are doing well.

    I am sorry I haven't written for so long. I am writing to tell you about my new job.
    That's OK

    Quote Originally Posted by MadinaR View Post
    Since you know that my previous job fully satisfied me, you must have a million questions running through your mind right now. I hope I can tell you enough to put your mind at ease until we meet in summer, when I will go to drop by you to Beijing.
    This is too long and quite unclear.
    You could have written, e.g., "You must be wondering why I left my old job."

    Quote Originally Posted by MadinaR View Post
    Two months ago the Relations Relations Department of my company, where I worked before stopped to working. Due to decreasing the production. It happens because my employer starts his new business, which focus on local area, and he spending all his financial resources to this new company.
    This is very badly written and would get a fail mark (for this part at least), in my opinion. I suggest you write it using clear and simple language.

    Quote Originally Posted by MadinaR View Post
    Well anyway, so , and now I have a new job. Do you remember I told you, during my last year on in college, I took did an internship in a bank? Now, I am working as an international consultant in this bank. This is a big company organization, and they have a huge number of international partners around the world. For this moment, I am dealing with Middle-East partners. I found find my new responsibilities so interesting. Also, my colleagues are so very friendly. In short, sum, I like my new job.
    Quote Originally Posted by MadinaR View Post
    It will be such a pleasure to see you again this summer. We sure will have a great time catching up with each other. You have always been a cherished friend, no matter how far you are from me.

    With love,
    Madina
    You also didn't address the third part which asked you to tell your friend about your other news.

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