Student or Learner
Here's some extract of a longer story can you please told me if it's clearly understandable and if there any mistakes?
-"That perfectionism was certainly aheritage that I got from my mother. She was part of the non-affectionate mothers, she educated me in avery straight way, without any place for failure or mistakes. She was probablyright. She had to raise me by herself, alone as my father was nonexistent untilmy seventeen when she passed away. I could have change after her death and bemore lenient but I didnít. I guess it was part of me after all these years.At dinner she was used to look at each movement I could make and ifI had done a wrong movement or put my hands or my arms in an incorrectposition, she would hurl/fling at me a criticism. It always have made me feeluncomfortable to eat with people around a table since that time.
Or when I had to do duty for school she would made me repeat againand again my lesson or made me rewrite again and again my assignments. That wasmy mother and I miss her."
And the other one:
-"I arrived on a cliff top with this open view, when I suddenly felt exhausted. This would happen frequently to me. I was kind of insomniac, usually woke up by my thoughts. And I was not a fresh, young man anymore and after this constant agitation lasted two hours, my legs were no more able to bear the weight of my body. "
Thank you very much!
Thank you very much, that's much better!
I'm sorry for the spaces (they disapeared when I copy-paste it), there also one sentence in the first paragraph which is not at its right place but it doesn't matter ;)
It's normal if you can't see the connection, there are a lot of things between the two part but I am not allowed to post my complete story on the forum... :)) thanks again!
I probably forgot to mention that my story is written in a past tense and especially in that extract I am referring to an older past (not just a description in the past) but events that happened earlier in a past narrative situation. I am not sure to be clear. I hope I am, but I just wonder if it's not better to use past perfect ? I'm sorry I have trouble with English past tenses...
I don't understand, you didn't answer my question?
You don't need to back shift the tenses in your text.
Which means that I can keep it as you corrected it even if it's past situation referring to older events?
- Start every sentence with a capital letter.
- End every sentence with a single, appropriate punctuation mark.
- Always capitalise the word "I".
- Don't put a space before a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.
- Always put a space after a comma, full stop, question mark or exclamation mark.
We don't join separate sentences with multiple dots. Please don't use self-made emoticons in place of punctuation. If you want to use an emoticon, put a space after the final punctuation mark then click on and choose the appropriate one.
Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.
Last edited by audrey_28; 06-Dec-2015 at 19:38.