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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    Story about a poor child ending with "...hope that I will never face sadness again"

    That is the exact facial expression I had when I was a child. I know how it feels. That sadness, sorrow, misery and pain. As the child walked towards the garbage bin, I quietly followed his steps. The smell was unbearably foul. What is he possibly doing? Scavenging for metal tins? Or maybe plastic bottles? The next thing happened was an 'I can't believe my eyes'. That boy with patched clothes was eating the food waste right from the garbage.
    I once had a tough life. Lucky for me, I was adopted by a rich family. This boy faced much more trouble than I did. I went after the child after seeing him searching from bins to bins. 'Care for some buns?,' I asked. WOAH! He turned in shock, not expecting strangers. At first the boy was confused and refused to accept my kindness, but eventually after persuading him for a few times, he took it and walked away.

    Feeling unsatisfied and curious, I pursue on tracking his path. With confusion, I wonder what was he still doing by the bins. After a few questions and answers, I found out that he was an orphan and his mom is disabled.They live in a small wooden house that was waiting for it's time to collapse. He was the only hope to support his siblings of 5. His story was heartbreaking that I tears slowly rolled down my cheeks. The only thing on my mind was this kid needs help!

    Luckily I have a friend who work at the public welfare center. The boy's family was supported by the government and was moved to a new house at a rural area. They begin a fresh new life there. He and his siblings was given an education. The boy did a part-time work in order to support the family finances. I could see his face becoming radiant day by day.

    I would visit them twice a month to check if they are comfortable with the new life. Turns up there is nothing to be worried about as result was positive. His family was starting to adapt to the new surrounding. His determination and 'never giving up' actions had helped his family survived. Before I left after my last visit, he thanked me. I could barely heard him saying 'Well, with everything that happened, I hope that I will never face sadness again'.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 11-Dec-2015 at 19:20. Reason: Reducing font size (OP). Then removed formatting (moderator)

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Story about a poor child ending with "...hope that I will never face sadness agai

    Perhaps:

    I know what it's like to feel hopeless.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Story about a poor child ending with "...hope that I will never face sadness agai

    We need to introduce the child in some fashion. Something is missing at the beginning of the story. That something is a beginning to the story.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Story about a poor child ending with "...hope that I will never face sadness agai

    It needs a beginning. Perhaps:

    While I was at the city dump I saw a boy there. He couldn't have been older than eight. He was dressed in rags.

  5. teechar's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Story about a poor child ending with "...hope that I will never face sadness agai

    Quote Originally Posted by annha View Post
    That is the exact facial expression I had when I was a child. I know how it feels. That sadness, sorrow, misery and pain. As the child walked towards the garbage bin, I quietly followed his steps. The smell was unbearably foul. What is he possibly doing - scavenging for metal tins or maybe plastic bottles? The next thing happened was an 'I can't believe my eyes'. I couldn't believe my eyes. That boy with patched clothes was eating the food waste right from the garbage.

    I once had a tough life. Lucky for me, I was adopted by a rich family. This boy faced much more trouble than I did. I went after the child after seeing him searching from bin to bin. 'Care for some buns?,' I asked. WOAH! He turned in shock, not expecting strangers. At first, the boy was confused and refused to accept my kindness, but eventually after persuading him for a few times, he took it the food and walked away.

    Feeling unsatisfied dissatisfied and (still) curious, I decided to follow him. pursue on tracking his path. With confusion, I wondered what was he was still doing by the bins. After a few questions and answers, I found out that he was an orphan and his mom is disabled.They live in a small wooden house that was waiting for it's time to collapse. He was the only hope had to scavenge to support himself, his mother and his five siblings. of 5. His story was so heartbreaking that I felt tears slowly rolled rolling down my cheeks. The only thing on my mind was this kid needs help!

    Luckily I have a friend who works at the public welfare center. I explained the situation to my friend, and that boy's family was supported by now gets support from the government and was have moved to a new house at in a rural area. They began a fresh new life there. He and his siblings was given even managed to get an education. The boy did part-time work in order to support the family. finances. I could see his face becoming radiant day by day.

    I would visit them twice a month to check if they are comfortable with the new life. It turns out up there is nothing to be worried about, and everything seems to be fine. as result was positive. His family was starting to has adapted to the new surroundings. His determination and 'never giving up' actions had helped his family survive. Before I left after my last visit, he thanked me a lot. I could barely heard him saying He said, 'Well, with everything that happened, I hope that I will never face sadness again'.
    .

  6. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Story about a poor child ending with "...hope that I will never face sadness agai

    I find "What is he possibly doing?" unnatural. I would use "What can he be doing?" or maybe "What could he [possibly] be doing?"
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Story about a poor child ending with "...hope that I will never face sadness agai

    Perhaps:

    I persuaded him that I meant no harm.

  8. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: Story about a poor child ending with "...hope that I will never face sadness agai

    I would say "He turned in shock, not expecting a stranger", not "strangers".

    "After persuading him for a few times" is incorrect. Try "after a while, I persuaded him to take it and he walked away".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: Story about a poor child ending with "...hope that I will never face sadness agai

    I wouldn't use the "stranger" line at all. Perhaps:

    He turned and looked at me with fear on his face.

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