Alif comes from a rich family

[Gaya87]

Could anyone check my grammatical mistakes? Thank you.

Short Plot
Alif Zulkarnain comes from a rich family but discovers that money is not everything after meeting and falling in love with a village girl named Khadijah.

Long Plot
Alif Zulkarnain, from a well off family, who left behind his families legacy to pursue his love and relationship with a village girl named Khadeja. They pursued their love and eventually ended up in marriage. Alif’s family disapproves of his marriage to Khadeja and manage to find a deceitful way to cut relations between the two. From there, both Alif and Khadijah’s lives are tested with trials and obstacles.

 

[MikeNewYork]

Could anyone check my grammatical mistakes? Thank you.

Short Plot
Alif Zulkarnain comes from a rich family but discovers that money is not everything after meeting and falling in love with a village girl named Khadijah.

Long Plot
Alif Zulkarnain, from a well off family, who left behind his family's legacy to pursue his love and relationship with a village girl named Khadeja. They pursued their love and eventually ended up in marriage. Alif’s family disapproves of his marriage to Khadeja and manages to find a deceitful way to cut relations between the two. From there, both Alif and Khadijah’s lives are tested with trials and obstacles.

MNY

 

[tedmc]

"Well-off" should be a hyphenated word.
"Who" should be deleted, otherwise the sentence is not complete.

 

[MikeNewYork]

Who is not bad.

 

[Barb_D]

Alif Zulkarnain, from a well off family, leaves behind his family's legacy to pursue his love and relationship with a village girl named Khadeja. They pursued their love and eventually marry. Alif’s family disapproves of his marriage to Khadeja and manages to find a deceitful way to cut relations between the two. From there, both Alif's and Khadijah’s lives are tested with trials and obstacles.

Use the narrative present throughout.
Find another way to say the underlined part the second time. It's too repetitive.

 

[Gaya87]

Use the narrative present throughout.
Find another way to say the underlined part the second time. It's too repetitive.

Thank you for your feedback. Yes, it’s should be in the narrative present. I’ve realized most of my mistakes now. Please take a look at the revised writing, thanks.

Alif Zulkarnain, from a well off family, leaves behind his family's legacy to follow his love and relationship with a village girl named Khadeja. They pursued their love and eventually marry. Alif’s family disapproves of his marriage to Khadeja and manages to find a deceitful way to cut relations between the two. From there, both Alif's and Khadijah’s lives are tested with trials and obstacles.

 

[Gaya87]

"Well-off" should be a hyphenated word.
"Who" should be deleted, otherwise the sentence is not complete.

I always get stuck with the term of "who" in my writing. Thanks for the feedback.

 

[tedmc]

I would use "pursue" in the first sentence and consummate" in the second.
You don't say "follow a relationship".

 

[Tarheel]

Seems pretty much like Romeo and Juliet.

 

[Gaya87]

I would use "pursue" in the first sentence and consummate" in the second.
You don't say "follow a relationship".

Noted.

Revised as below:
Alif Zulkarnain, from a well off family, leaves behind his family's legacy to pursue his love and relationship with a village girl named Khadeja. They consummate their love and eventually marry. Alif’s family disapproves of his marriage to Khadeja and manages to find a deceitful way to cut relations between the two. From there, both Alif's and Khadijah’s lives are tested with trials and obstacles.

 

[Tarheel]

That's better.