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  1. Newbie
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    #1

    HELP! Personal statement

    Hello! I need help with my personal statement! English isn't my native language, so I think you'll help to me :)
    This is part of my PS:
    I am very cosmopolitan and maximalist person. I am always trying to achieve best results in my life, so when I started thinking seriously about my future plans, I knew, that I really want to study abroad. In my opinion, studies in other country will give me a lot of experience for my life and future career. Furthermore, I think, that science in your country would provide a lot of useful knowledge and opportunities. Also, it would give me a chance to improve my English skills and to learn a new language. Finally, it would let expand my worldview and experience another culture.
    For the last two years I have been learning subjects, through which I have developed an in-depth understanding of Information Technology and programming. In school my favorite subjects are Mathematics, English and Information Technology. Learning these subjects have helped me improve my analytical skills. When I wrote my first computer program with Pascal I thought, that it is really easy, but step by step for me this seemed harder and harder. However, I did not give up, because I wanted to learn it. I was persistent and wrote intrinsic programs, which challenged me for long hours, but I didn't give up. The feeling after long and hard work you get something working is unbelievable. And now, I want to improve my learned skills and get new knowledge about IT.
    After lessons, I really like to involve into various extra curial activities. To begin with, two years I was the president of class. This experience has changed my character. I become more self-confident, communicative and serious person. Moreover, this experience improved my leadership skills. I like to accept full responsibility, when I know, that I can do a perfect job. I like to work in a team, listening to other people’s ideas and together find a solution. Last year in the school, I participated in mentors program. The main purpose of this program was to help to other students, which need help for homework or they did not understand the lesson. When I was a mentor, I had good chance to improve my knowledge about things that I have already learnt. I am always looking for some new ways to learn about IT and programming, so last summer I started to learn game programming. Programming language was python, for me it was easier than c++. These courses were on internet. To say a true, these courses for me were really severe, because it was new and I have never been tried game programming.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: HELP! Personal statement

    Three things.

    1. You need to make paragraph breaks.
    2. What does "maximalist" mean?
    3. Say:

    When I started thinking seriously about my future, I realized that I want to study abroad.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: HELP! Personal statement

    Say:

    I am a very cosmopolitan person.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: HELP! Personal statement

    Say:

    In my opinion, studying abroad will give me practical experience that will be useful for my future career.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: HELP! Personal statement

    You have not, I hope, posted this on another forum also.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: HELP! Personal statement

    Re:

    Finally, it would expand my worldview and give me a chance to experience another culture.

    You might not recognize that sentence, because I changed it. Anyhow, the first paragraph break should come there if not sooner.

    Reading that is hard because often the sentences have no connection to each other.

    Space between paragraphs. When you figure out where to make the paragraph breaks, repost it here.

  7. Newbie
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    #7

    Re: HELP! Personal statement

    Thank you for your help! I know, this is really hard to read, but I will correct it. :)

  8. Newbie
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    #8

    Re: HELP! Personal statement

    Dear moderators!!! Where was my personal statement and I see, that many people read it. So, moderator please delete this thread!!!! THANKS!!!!!! :)

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    #9

    Re: HELP! Personal statement

    Sorry, but as it says in the coloured box at the head of this forum,

    Please note that posts cannot be deleted from the writing section. We will not remove texts that have been corrected, so please do not post any personal information in this section, especially in things like letters.

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