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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Russian
      • Home Country:
      • Uzbekistan
      • Current Location:
      • Uzbekistan

    • Join Date: Jan 2016
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    the statement of purpose

    Hi, My name is Ameen. I am going to apply for one of the Russian universities and I wrote an essay, could you please check it for me? Specifically content, grammar mistakes and coherence of an essay. i will be looking forward for your response, Thanks in advance!!!




    Russia has long been considered as a great country with its hard – working and goal directed people, construction of comprehensive governmental and administrative strong organization to deliver unique image: deep – culture and resilient statehood. As an enthusiastic person, I am intending to study in this blessed country to do my bachelor in the field of “International relations” to learn steps of different spheres that serve for the overall welfare and development of developing countries.

    Furthermore, Russia has one of the leading positions in the world’s economy which shows how this country is developed and prosperous. It is not a secret that in developed countries, the chance of making successful career is better than those in developing ones therefore Russia, from my point of view, will be a decent and superb choice by these means. I noted the fact that HSE graduates have a very high rate in getting jobs in many famous and powerful companies in Russia and in many other parts of the world.

    However, Uzbekistan is a young country, and as a young person, I purpose to grow and contribute to the base of development: that is risk management, dispute resolution and peace – building. Since Uzbekistan is situated in Central Asia, I have dreamed to learn strategies that make my country developed and helpful to neighbor countries in maximum level to sustain lifelong education, health issues, longevity of people and mainly a peace.

    One of the major things which made me get interested in HSE is its dual language education system. Of course, it is very good that students can start their studying in Russian and continue in English and vice versa. However, these kinds of educational systems are very helpful and considerate in order to be able to speak and think in several languages simultaneously

    Nevertheless, regarding my extracurricular activities during my life I have been actively engaged in studies and in sports. And from my early age, I was very fond of a variety of sports and I actively engaged in different types such as: Water-Slalom, Water-Polo, Bike-Sport, Judo, Triathlon, and Aikido. However, basically I practiced Aikido. Thereby, many times I have taken participation in various competitions, also I took a part in international seminars from Aikido. In addition to this, several times I acquired honorable places from Water-Slalom, Bike-Sport and got 6-cue from Aikido. In 2006 I became a “Candidate of Master Sports” from Water-Slalom.

    To sum up, I can be sure that the study in Russia will help and equip me with the necessary skills to continue to acquire new knowledge and understanding throughout my entire educational life. And I do hope that HSE will acknowledge my interests and will give me an opportunity to study in this high-quality institution.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,060
    #2

    Re: the statement of purpose

    Say:

    I am going to apply to one of the Russian universities.

    Say:

    Russia has long been considered a great country.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,060
    #3

    Re: the statement of purpose

    The word "hard-working" is printed as you see it in this sentence.

  4. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 6,180
    #4

    Re: the statement of purpose

    Dear Sir/Madam,

    I am writing to apply for the Bachelor in International Relations program at the HSE.

    As an enthusiastic young person, I am eager to establish a solid career in my field to be able to contribute to the development of my country, Uzbekistan. I am especially interested in such areas as risk management, dispute resolution and peace building.

    Besides being focused on my studies, I am actively engaged in sports, and from an early age, I've been very fond of water slalom, water polo, bike riding, judo, triathlon, and Aikido. I have also participated in various Aikido competitions and international seminars. In addition, I have won several awards in water slalom, bike riding and Aikido. In 2006, I became a “Candidate for Master of Sports” in water slalom.

    As a young and emerging country in central Asia, Uzbekistan is in need of much development. I believe that the strategies needed to make Uzbekistan a developed and useful country to its neighbours should include encouraging lifelong education, addressing health issues, and promoting peace and social-justice programs in the country.

    Russia has long been considered as a great country with its hard-working and goal-oriented people, its comprehensive governmental and administrative institutions and its rich heritage and cultural traditions. Furthermore, Russia has a great educational system where I believe I can obtain an excellent qualification. I note the fact that HSE graduates have a very high rate in getting jobs in many famous and prestigious companies and organizations in Russia and internationally.

    One of the main factors which made me interested in studying at the HSE is its dual-language education system. Not only can students start their studies in Russian and continue in English or vice versa, but this approach helps students to speak and think in several languages simultaneously.

    To sum up, I trust that studying in Russia at the HSE will equip me with the necessary skills, knowledge and understanding to help me achieve my goals.

    Thank you for considering my application, and I look forward to your positive reply.

    Yours faithfully,

    ABCD

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