[Grammar] is it correctly?

[johnmorales]

Dear sir or madam,

This is to request more information about your civil engineering program at University of Toronto. I am extremely interested in this program and I am anxious to apply for it in your renowned university for the next admission.

I have 18 years old, I am currently studying in a professional technical institution in Colombia, but these studies are not enough to get a good job and pay an undergraduate program, so I would inquire about the Admission scholarships at the university of Toronto and if I could apply some of these scholarships


Thank you in advance for your attention to my request. I look forward to receiving your response.


Sincerely,

 

[teechar]

Dear Sir or Madam,

This is to request more information about your civil engineering program at the University of Toronto. I am [STRIKE]extremely[/STRIKE] very interested in this program, and I am [STRIKE]anxious[/STRIKE] eager to apply for it in your renowned university for the next admission.

I [STRIKE]have[/STRIKE] am 18 years old, and I am currently studying in a professional technical institution in Colombia. [STRIKE], but these studies are not enough to get a good job and pay an undergraduate program, so I would [/STRIKE] I also wish to inquire about the admission scholarships at the University of Toronto and [STRIKE]if I could apply some of[/STRIKE] and how to go about applying for these scholarships.


Thank you [STRIKE]in advance[/STRIKE] for your kind help, and I hope to hear from you soon. [STRIKE]attention to my request. I look forward to receiving your response. [/STRIKE]

Yours faithfully,
[STRIKE] Sincerely,[/STRIKE]

.

 

[johnmorales]

.

Thank you, :-D

 

[teechar]

You're welcome. Note that in future, you don't need to write a post to say thank you. You can just click the Thank/Like button to thank someone for their help. ;-)

 

[emsr2d2]

I would start with "I am writing to request more information ...", not "This is to ...". Alternatively, you could open with "Please could you send me more information ...".