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    #1

    Cool Could you pls check my TOEFL essay?

    Could you pls check/asses my TOEFL essay? the topic is following:

    Do you agree or disagree with following statement: "Always telling the truth is the mist consideration in any relationship". Use specyfic reasons and examples to support your answer.

    Almost everybody knows that telling the truth is important. Parents are teaching their kids that they should be honest and do not lie. Even the religious sources like Bible said that you should tell the true. Why then in everyday life we are surrounded by so many lies and falsehood? Is that OK to lie? Does it have any negative impact on our relationships with others? This essay will discuss the importance of telling the truth and its impact on healthy relationships.
    Almost all common undertakings are based on trust. Human as an individual cannot create alone a great undertakings. Even the big companies are establishing consortiums or alliances to develop huge and complicated projects, because they capacity (both financial and knowledge) is limited. It is widely understood that telling the true build trust in business and is a crucial factor of economic growth. Due to this fact it pays to tell the true even if true is at a glance comfortless.
    Good relationships are crucial in case of family topic and the healthy family relations are basis for society and nations development. Could you imagine the situation in which because of frequently and common lies people will stop to create a families and as a result of this stop to give birth of kids. That is undoubtedly extreme argument but anyway it can kill all of the mankind!
    The third argument for importance of telling the truth is quite simple. Lying does not pay. It rather causes many problems and is destroying factor. As an example we can use the politics. All political leaders, including those who were in the top of their game sooner or later lost everything if were not honest enough and avoid telling the true. If someone is lying loos of trustworthiness is only a matter of time.
    Reassuming the impact of telling the truth on the people’s relationship is tremendous. It is not possible to build a positive relation when one of the sides is not honest enough. In modern times it is easy to recognize (taking into consideration a large number of divorces and business partners conflicts) that we struggle with a kind of “true telling” crisis. Anyway if we want to win a good relationship we should remember that: “honesty is the best policy”.


    Many thanks in advance
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 26-Jan-2016 at 18:39. Reason: Removed exact duplicate from bottom of post

  1. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Could you pls check my TOEFL essay?

    Quote Originally Posted by Lukas100 View Post
    Could you please check/assess my TOEFL essay? the topic is following:
    This is the essay question:
    Do you agree or disagree with following statement: "Always telling the truth is the most important consideration in any relationship". Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
    Hi, Lukas! Pay better attention to your spelling. For example, there is a big difference in English between the verb "assess" and the noun "asses" which is the plural of "ass."

    Quote Originally Posted by Lukas100 View Post
    Almost everybody knows that telling the truth is important. Parents are teach ing their kids that they should be honest and do not lie. Even the religious sources texts like the Bible said say that you one should tell the truth. true. Why then in everyday life we are surrounded by so many lies and falsehood? Is that OK to lie? Is it really that important to always tell the truth? Does it have any negative significant impact on our relationships with others? This essay will discuss the importance of argue that telling the truth and its impact on is an important factor in healthy relationships.
    You need to make your position clear at the end of the introduction.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lukas100 View Post
    Almost all common undertakings are based on trust. Human as an individual cannot create alone a great undertakings. Even the big companies are establishing consortiums or alliances to develop huge and complicated projects, because they capacity (both financial and knowledge) is limited. It is widely understood that telling the true build trust in business and is a crucial factor of economic growth. Due to this fact it pays to tell the true even if true is at a glance comfortless.
    This body paragraph is not well written. You should start with a topic sentence that focuses on one point. For example, "To start with, telling the truth is crucial in any business relationship." After that, you add supporting sentences which elaborate on and explain the topic sentence. Then, you can use one or two examples to demonstrate the point you've discussed. Thus, the paragraph should follow a general-to-specific structure.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lukas100 View Post
    Good relationships are crucial in case of family topic and the healthy family relations are basis for society and nations development. Could you imagine the situation in which because of frequently and common lies people will stop to create a families and as a result of this stop to give birth of kids. That is undoubtedly extreme argument but anyway it can kill all of the mankind!
    In addition to my comments above, this looks like a computer translation or a literal, word-for-word, translation from another language to English. It's really difficult to follow. Try to be clear and direct in your writing.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lukas100 View Post
    The third argument for importance of telling the truth is quite simple. Lying does not pay. It rather causes many problems and is destroying factor. As an example we can use the politics. All political leaders, including those who were in the top of their game sooner or later lost everything if were not honest enough and avoid telling the true. If someone is lying loos of trustworthiness is only a matter of time.
    The example about politicians is off topic. Your essay question was about telling the truth in relationships.

    Also don't forget that you need a concluding paragraph to end your essay.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 26-Jan-2016 at 18:40. Reason: Duplicate complete piece removed from original so now removed from quote

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