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    #1

    Post IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    Hi all,
    Just going about my usual routine and posting yet another essay for correction/feedback. Thank you once again!

    Essay Title:With a growing world population, one of the most pressing issues is that of feeding such a large number of people. Some people think that GM foods offer a viable solution to this problem. To what extent do you agree?

    It is indeed evident that the Earth is getting more densely populated on a daily basis as per demographic studies. With an increase in the number of people, the demand of food required also rises hence, the supply would also have to climb up to meet the requirements. Certain individuals believe that an answer to this problem is the use of genetically modified foods. Despite the numerous benefits that GM foods have to offer, I strongly feel that the evidence supporting this falls short of scrutiny and that there are more risks associated with such types of foods.

    As the name implies, genetically modified foods are produced by the addition of desired genes in order to achieve a certain quality such as a bigger size or resistance to insects or pesticides. Unlike natural breeding where there are checks made during the biological process, this is not the case in genetic breeding therefore, there is a danger of genetic instability. Because of this, scientists aren't able to make accurate predictions about the long term effects of GM foods and extensive testing would be necessary which is both time and money consuming.

    Secondly, creating such hybrid types of foods would require an alteration in the genetic sequence. It is impossible to isolate a single gene and modify that because one change would cause a drastic overall effect. For instance, if a certain weed or crop was modified to become resistant to pesticides or herbicides, this can become a concern in the near future especially when those plants begin to grow in excess. Also, if genetically modified crops were to cross pollinate with non genetically modified crops, this can also lead to resistance of a vital genetic components necessary for development of vaccines or antibiotics; an important aspect of health care. Hence, this could prove to be catastrophic.

    To conclude, I stand firm in my opinion that genetically modified crops would have a negative impact if they were to be introduced. I believe that more efforts should be made to focus on organic practices of growing crops which are much healthier to people and more kinder to the Earth. As well as production, the distribution of food is another key factor here therefore, this should be made more effective with the help of both governments and non-governmental organisations.

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    Quote Originally Posted by drrajeevhariprakash View Post
    It is indeed evident from various demographic studies that the Earth is getting more densely populated on a daily basis. as per demographic studies. With an increase in the number of people, the demand of for food required also rises. hence, Consequently, the supply would also have has to climb up to meet the requirements. Certain individuals believe that an answer to this problem is the use of genetically modified foods. Despite the numerous benefits that GM foods have to offer, I strongly feel that the evidence supporting this falls short of scrutiny and that there are more risks than benefits associated with such types of foods food.
    See above for my suggested changes to your first paragraph.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    Why is increased demand for food a problem any more than increased demand for anything else?

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    What will the expensive testing be for? To determine the long-term effects of genetic engineering?

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    #5

    Re: IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    You've split one idea into two body paragraphs!
    One of your body paragraphs could (should?) have been on the potential dangers of GM foods on human health.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    We need tomatoes that are just the right size to fit on a hamburger bun.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    It isn't the food that you want to be pest resistant. It is the plant that we get the food from that we want to be resistant to insects and diseases.

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    You want the plants to be resistant to insects and diseases so you won't need the pesticides.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    We have had genetically modified plants for centuries.

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: IELTS Essay Correction Help Please!! Again :D

    Should you be using "I strongly feel" in your sentences?

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