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  1. Newbie
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    #11

    Re: Please look over my eassy ? (TOEFL)

    "in the beginning" instead of "to the beginning", do you mean that?

  2. Newbie
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    #12

    Re: Please look over my eassy ? (TOEFL)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Second paragraph.

    In the beginning, all food preparation was done at home.
    "in the beginning" instead of "to the beginning", do you mean that?

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #13

    Re: Please look over my eassy ? (TOEFL)

    Quote Originally Posted by moha27 View Post
    "in the beginning" instead of "to the beginning", do you mean that?
    Well, that's part of it. I read the sentences in the essay and it seems that the writer's thoughts are not organized.

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    #14

    Re: Please look over my eassy ? (TOEFL)

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Well, that's part of it. I read the sentences in the essay and it seems that the writer's thoughts are not organized.
    Why do you think the idea isn't properly organized. Would you specified the reasons?

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #15

    Re: Please look over my eassy ? (TOEFL)

    Quote Originally Posted by moha27 View Post
    Why do you think the idea isn't properly organized. Would you specified the reasons?
    Say:

    Would you specify the reasons?

    I'll do my best.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #16

    Re: Please look over my eassy ? (TOEFL)

    You need to stick to English phrases and stop inventing things. (What is a "developed cooking system" anyhow?)

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #17

    Re: Please look over my eassy ? (TOEFL)

    I suggest that you talk about what cooking methods used to be, and then talk about modern cooking methods. Compare the two and talk about how things have improved.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #18

    Re: Please look over my eassy ? (TOEFL)

    Each sentence should be connected to the one before and to the one after. They should not be randomly thrown together. You jump from one thing to another, and there is no organization.

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #19

    Re: Please look over my eassy ? (TOEFL)

    Perhaps:

    Because cooking is so much easier nowadays people have more time to do other things.

  10. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #20

    How Modern Cooking Methods Improvr the Lives of Ordinary People

    Are people healthier because of better cooking methods? Demonstrate that. Do it it with facts.

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