Results 1 to 3 of 3
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Libya
      • Current Location:
      • Libya

    • Join Date: Feb 2016
    • Posts: 1
    #1

    my personal statement plz correct it

    hi
    iam new member here and this is my first post
    please correct my study plan
    Study plan

    Throughout my life, I have learned that the ultimate happiness is obtained not ‎only by hard work and intelligence, but also by unlimited bravery in pursuing my own ‎dreams. It is my overwhelming desire for learning, invention, and teaching that lead ‎me to continue my education towards a Ph.D. degree.
    I was born in an simple Libyan family with strong social values of hard work. ‎During my childhood my parents always counseled me to study hard and keep my ‎mind disengaged from the existing difficulties. In my opinion, having a solid ‎knowledge of fundamentals was critical to elaborate profound ideas. As a result, I ‎tried hard to build a strong foundation in mathematics and physics during high school ‎years.
    The enormous numbers of challenges thrown out by rapid development in ‎science and technology have made me choose engineering as a field of study. My ‎formal advanced education started with my undergraduate program in chemical ‎engineering at the College of Chemical Engineering of University of XXX . In my ‎undergraduate years, I have acquired a strong background in the fundamentals of ‎basic chemical engineering subjects like thermodynamics, heat and mass transfer, ‎fluid mechanics, chemical reactions, and process design. My BSc ‎project entitled "plant design of Isoprene " is an industrial project under the ‎direction of Dr. XXX.
    During three months summer internship in Canadian Company( XXX). I acquainted with the corrosion processe at Albida field. As an ‎Industrial Intern, I learned how to protect pipelines from corrosion by add chemical inhibitor to crude oil.
    Subsequent to my undergraduate program, I undertook a Master's program at ‎Department of Chemical Engineering at the XXX academy and with it I delved ‎deeper into the fascinating world of chemical engineering .. Considering the fact that Libya is a rich country in oil and ‎the importance of thermodynamics in process modeling, I chose to concentrate on the revamping ‎refineries . My Msc thesis title was ‎‎"XXXXXXXXXX " under ‎supervision of Prof. XXXXXX. which was a challenging but very enjoyable task. The main purpose of this dissertation was developing ‎the capacity of production of Azzawia refinery as well as to reduce the energy consumption by using HYSYS software . Responsibilities involved designing equipment, and upgrading the refinery processes and also compared results with available data sheets
    Inspiration and enthusiasm well up in me when I am at work; I have gained ‎professional experience by working about six years as a quality controller engineer at XXXX industrial factory in Libya, as well as worked as Mud engineer at Al XXX . During this period I become completely familiar with ‎ industry from production to distribution by participating in many meetings and providing technical proposals for different processes , how to write technical report , dealing with various chemical materials. In addition, ‎here I have learned how to work under time constraints, how to visualize abstract ‎concepts, and apply concepts to industrial projects in real time. Having real work ‎experiences, now I have a balanced view of my interests, potential contributions and ‎priorities, which enables me to make a decision between pursuing a career in the ‎industry or one in academia. I find the academic environment more appealing because ‎of the high level of intellectual challenge and creativity associated with it as well as ‎the opportunity it provides to follow my research interests in the field of chemical ‎engineering.
    ‎ At present, I am working as lecture assistance at the XXX institute XXXX in Libya since 2010 at chemical engineering department . I have taught many subjects such as General Chemistry, Plastic technique ,Fluid mechanics, processes oil and gas refinery.
    My Personality:
    By fact, I am socially active person with friendly nature, a good communicator indeed who is blessed with many friends. I keep a keen view to the reality of life thus approach people with positive mind and attitude and always prove to be helpful with honest efforts and true dedication. Besides that I always feel very joyous and fortunate to meet and greet people belonging to different backgrounds and cultures. As such meetings are always important because they prove to be beneficial in future also it makes things easy to cope whether one works or studies in his own country or outside the country.
    Study Plan in China:
    I would like to apply for the PHD Degree in chemical engineering in China because from my previous industrial job experience, and my current job I come to know the vast practical applications of the chemical and Environmental engineering, this caught my attention and created a thirst of knowledge in me to study my chosen course. My motto is to work in an international field related to chemical Engineering. Therefore, I would like to gain deeper theoretical and practical knowledge in starting and managing most innovative projects. During my studies, with great hidden abilities in myself I will try to come up with the best of everything; to accompany the professors and university colleagues in carrying out research and exploring for immense exciting industrial mysteries in the field of chemical industry especially at Petroleum sector . After completion of my Doctorate’s studies I hope to be able to take part in maximizing my country’s research technology in such fields to benefit its economy and enhance the living standards of my compatriots.
    I believe that this PHD Program will provide me with the chance to get to know with chemical and environmental system. I hope that I can gain more experience in dealing with situations, peoples, systems and demands which will be of a great help in my future career.




    Reasons to study in China:

    Now the question arises, “Why China?” Reading the books, watching the news, analyzing and observing the people of China, I am really impressed by the way these individuals have proved themselves to be dedicated to their work and with true efforts they have set China as a successful example for other third world or developed countries. The fast growing economy, technological advancement and the global ranking education institutes of China with high reputation makes a great aspiration to the students and professionals for the better career perspectives. Thus such kind of positivity has boosted my confidence further and I am highly satisfied with the decision I have taken. Moreover, China’s diverse cultural norms and values, the famous gentle hospitality of its people and Libyan-China all weather friendly relations since past to promote bilateral trade , acceptance and peace to both sides in great clarity make me feel China as my second homeland; also my family fully supports my choice for China being my preference for graduate studies. All these reasons put together make China an ideal place for me to do my Doctorate degree.
    Concluding it, with high hopes I believe this application will receive your favorable consideration and I will be happy to provide any additional information you may need.
    At the end, I would like to point out that I am determined to make the most out of the scholarship program
    The Chinese government scholarship provides a chance for people who are struggling to return to school, to become the exception and succeed .I hope to become one of those special people and it is with great honor and appreciation that I submit this application for your consideration
    Best regards

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,925
    #2

    Re: my personal statement plz correct it

    Quote Originally Posted by Reliable Man View Post
    Hi​.
    iam I am a new member here and this is my first post.
    Please correct my study plan.
    Note my corrections to your opening. It is important to follow these rules of written English at all times:

    - Start every sentence with a capital letter.
    - End every sentence with a single, appropriate punctuation mark.
    - Always capitalise the word "I".
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  2. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 6,207
    #3

    Re: my personal statement plz correct it

    Quote Originally Posted by Reliable Man View Post
    Study plan

    Throughout my life, I have learned that the ultimate happiness is obtained not ‎only by hard work and intelligence, but also by unlimited bravery in pursuing my own ‎dreams. It is my overwhelming desire for learning, invention, innovation and teaching that lead ‎me to continue my education towards a Ph.D. degree.

    I was born into a simple Libyan family with strong social values of hard work. ‎During my childhood, my parents always counseled me to study hard and keep my ‎mind focused on that. disengaged from the existing difficulties. In my opinion, having a solid ‎knowledge of fundamentals was critical in motivating me to pursue further studies. elaborate profound ideas. As a result, I ‎tried hard to build a strong foundation in mathematics and physics during my high-school ‎years.

    The enormous number of challenges thrown meted out by the rapid developments in ‎science and technology have made me choose engineering as a field of study. My ‎formal advanced education started with my undergraduate program in chemical ‎engineering at the College of Chemical Engineering of the University of XXX. In my ‎undergraduate years, I have acquired a strong background in the fundamentals of ‎basic chemical engineering subjects like thermodynamics, heat and mass transfer, ‎fluid mechanics, chemical reactions, and process design. My BSc ‎project entitled "Plant Design of Isoprene " is was an industrial project under the ‎direction of Dr. XXX.

    During a three-month summer internship in with the Canadian Company, XXX, I acquainted myself with the corrosion process at Albida field. As an ‎industrial intern, I learned how to protect pipelines from corrosion by adding chemical inhibitors to crude oil.

    Subsequent to my undergraduate program, I undertook a master's program at the ‎Department of Chemical Engineering at the XXX academy, and with it I delved ‎deeper into the fascinating world of chemical engineering. Considering the fact that Libya is a rich country rich in oil, and ‎the importance of thermodynamics in process modeling, I chose to concentrate on the revamping ‎of refineries. My MSc thesis title was ‎‎"XXXXXXXXXX " under ‎the supervision of Prof. XXXXXX. which It was a challenging but very enjoyable task. The main purpose of this dissertation the research was developing ‎the capacity of production of Azzawia refinery as well as to reduce the energy consumption by using HYSYS software. My responsibilities involved designing equipment and upgrading the refinery processes and also comparing results with available data sheets.

    Inspiration and enthusiasm well up in me when I am at work; I have gained ‎professional experience by working for about six years as a quality control engineer at XXXX industrial factory in Libya, as well as worked as mud engineer at Al XXX. During thisperiod I become completely familiar with ‎ industry from production to distribution by participating in many meetings and providing technical proposals for different processes, including how to write technical reports and dealing with various chemical materials. In addition, ‎here I have learned how to work under time constraints, how to visualize abstract ‎concepts, and how to apply concepts to industrial projects in real time. Having had real work ‎experience, now I now have a balanced view of my interests, potential contributions career paths and ‎priorities, which enables me to make a decision between pursuing a career in the ‎industry or one in academia. I find the academic environment more appealing because ‎of the high level of intellectual challenge and creativity associated with it as well as ‎the opportunity it provides to follow my research interests in the field of chemical ‎engineering.

    At present, I am have been working as an assistant lecturer lecture assistance at the XXX Institute XXXX in Libya since 2010, at in the Chemical Engineering Department. I have taught many subjects such as General Chemistry, Plastic technique, Fluid mechanics, processes and Oil and Gas Refinery processes.

    My Personality:

    By fact, I am a socially active person with a friendly nature, and a good communicator. indeed who is blessed with many friends. I keep a keen view to the reality of life; and thus approach people with a positive mind and attitude and always prove try to be helpful withhonest efforts and true dedication. Besides that, I always feel very joyous and fortunate to meet and greet people belonging to different backgrounds and cultures. As such meetings are always important because they prove to be beneficial in future also it makes things easy to cope whether one works or studies in his own country or outside the country.

    Study Plan in China:

    I would like to apply for the PHD Degree in chemical engineering in China because from my previous industrial job experience, and my current job I have come to know the vast practical applications of the chemical and environmental engineering. This caught my attention and created a thirst of knowledge in me to study pursue my chosen course. My motto is to work in an international field related to chemical engineering. Therefore, I would like to gain deeper theoretical and practical knowledge in starting and managing most innovative projects. During my studies, with great hidden abilities in myself, I will try to come up with the best of everything; to accompany work with the professors and university colleagues in carrying out research and exploring for the immense exciting industrial mysteries in the field of the chemical industry, especially at P the petroleum sector . After completion of my doctorate studies, I hope to be able to take part in maximizing developing my country’s research technology in such fields as to benefit its economy and enhance the living standards of my compatriots.

    I believe that this PHD Program will provide me with the chance to get to know with chemical and environmental system. I hope that I can gain more experience in dealing with situations, peoples, systems and demands which will be of a great help in my future career.




    Reasons to study in China:

    Now the question arises, “Why China?” Reading the books, watching the news, analyzing and observing the people of China, I am really impressed by the way these individuals the Chinese people have proved themselves to be are dedicated to their work and how with true efforts they have set China as a successful example for other third world or developed countries. The fast-growing economy, technological advancement and the globally ranked education institutes of China with such high reputation makes a great aspiration are very attractive to the students and professionals for the seeking better career perspectives. Thus, such kind of positivity has boosted my confidence further and I am highly satisfied with the decision I have taken. Moreover, China’s diverse cultural norms and values, the famous gentle hospitality of its people and Libyan-China all weather the friendly relations between Libya and China since past to promote ased on bilateral trade, acceptance and peace to both sides in great clarity make me feel China as would be my second homeland. also Moreover, my family fully supports my choice for China being my preference for graduate studies. All these reasons put together make China an ideal place for me to do my doctorate degree.

    Concluding it, In conclusion, with high hopes I believe this application will receive your favorable consideration, and I will be happy to provide any additional information you may need.

    At the end, I would like to point out that I am determined to make the most out of the scholarship program.
    The Chinese government scholarship provides a chance for people who are struggling to return to education, school, to become the exception and succeed. I hope to become one of those special people, and it is with great honor and appreciation that I submit this application for your consideration.
    Best regards
    .

Similar Threads

  1. [Cover Letter] Please help me out to correct my Personal Achievements Statement
    By sinnnnna in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 8
    Last Post: 16-Dec-2014, 23:13
  2. could you correct my (Personal Statement) please !
    By HL_Learner in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-Dec-2014, 22:53
  3. My Personal Statement
    By fostersue in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 08-Oct-2014, 17:44
  4. [Application] My Personal Statement- Too Personal?
    By MissRissa13 in forum CVs, Resumes and Applications
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 26-Oct-2012, 00:45
  5. Plz help with this personal statement
    By kamel in forum Editing & Writing Topics
    Replies: 1
    Last Post: 22-Jan-2005, 09:24

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •