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After a long time I'm posting another essay to help me with my IELTS preparation. Do give your opinions/corrections. Thank you all!
Essay Title: Most societies has its homeless people. Some people think that the best way to help them is to give them money. To what extent do you agree?
Homeless people are still present in many parts of the world. For various reasons, people decide to abandon homes and their families and survive out on the streets. Their plight has created a widespread concern among the general public and this has led to many strategies and organisations helping to curb this issue. Some individuals feel that the most effective method would be to just give money to homeless people however, I am not in accordance to this view.
There is no guarantee that people living on streets would benefit from financial aid. Some homeless people may have addiction problems related to alcohol and recreational drugs therefore by providing them with money, this could aggravate their underlying issues. As a result, it will affect crime rates; for instance, an increase in crime can be attributed to alcohol and recreational drug abuse. Secondly, by simply giving money, people wouldn't be instilled with the idea of having to work to earn thereby discouraging individuals to take an initiative to seek employment. People would have a false impression that money can be acquired easily without having to work. Another factor to consider about is the priorities which each country has. The topic of displaced individuals on streets many not be such a compelling topic compared to others such as healthcare, education and economic stability. By providing money to homeless people, this would affect funding for other areas of need which may prove to be detrimental.
Apart from money, there are other strategies that can be implemented to help homeless individuals. As mentioned earlier, certain people maybe suffering from addiction problems. Hence, by providing proper rehabilitative measures, this has a positive impact towards such individuals. Furthermore, homeless people should be educated about the importance of employment irrespective of their educational level or the skills which they possess. This allows individuals to have an understanding about earning a salary. Money alone isn't the only necessity required for a human being. Food and shelter are other important necessities for humans hence by providing good good and a home, it will effectively reduce the number of individuals on streets.
To conclude, I stand firm in my opinion that the best way to help homeless individuals is not to just provide financial aid and that there are other factors which should be addressed. Efforts should be made to deal with those issues.
Try to split that chunky bit in the middle into separate paragraphs. It's better to deal with just a couple of ideas thoroughly than to list a multitude of points like you did.