Could you please correct my cover letter?

[Lloyd Christmas]

Hi,

Could someone correct my e-mail of motivation? This is actually a speculative application.

Feel free to give me professional advice too.


"Dear Mrs xxx,

The recent renewal of the exclusive distribution agreement between xxx USA and xxx, Inc. has shown xxx USA's will to consolidate its growth and it leading position in North American wines and spirits market. Thus, I am sure my abilities and skills as a financial/business analyst could be useful to your company.

Indeed, my experience as a management accountant within xxx developed my sense for costs monitoring and costs forecasting, and during my experience in New York headquaters, I could discover an American work environment; thus I expanded my collaborative skills with people from other cultural backgrounds. Moreover, during during my experience as a business analyst in xxx, I was able to adapt to xxx’s taste for challenge and performance. (The company I am applying for is "xxx USA" and it is part of a group I worked for before in my country, in another company).

My resume, enclosed, contains additional information on my experience and skills. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my application with you at any time of your convenience.

Thank you for reviewing my resume,

Yours sincerely,

xxx xxx

 

[teechar]

"Dear Mrs xxx,

The recent renewal of the exclusive distribution agreement between xxx USA and xxx, Inc. has [STRIKE]shown[/STRIKE] demonstrated xxx USA's will to consolidate its growth and its leading position in the North American wines and spirits market. [STRIKE]Thus,[/STRIKE] I am sure my [STRIKE]abilities[/STRIKE] experience and skills as a financial/business analyst [STRIKE]could[/STRIKE] would be useful to your company.

Indeed, my experience as a management accountant with [STRIKE]in[/STRIKE] xxx helped me develop [STRIKE]my[/STRIKE] a keen sense for costs monitoring and costs forecasting, and during my [STRIKE]experience[/STRIKE] work in their New York headquarters, I [STRIKE]could discover an[/STRIKE] became familiar with the American work environment; thus I expanded my collaborative skills with people from other cultural backgrounds. Moreover, during [STRIKE]during[/STRIKE] my [STRIKE]experience[/STRIKE] tenure as a business analyst in xxx, I was able to adapt to xxx’s [STRIKE]taste for[/STRIKE] challenging projects and performance-driven business ethos. [STRIKE](The company I am applying for is "xxx USA" and it is part of a group I worked for before in my country, in another company).[/STRIKE]

My enclosed resume [STRIKE], enclosed,[/STRIKE] contains additional information on my experience and skills. I would appreciate the opportunity to discuss my application with you at any time of your convenience.

Thank you for reviewing my resume,

Yours sincerely,

xxx xxx

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