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    #1

    TOEFL essay -pls support by correcting my essay.preparing for exam pls urgent!!!!!

    Please give me a score from 1 to 5 according to TOEFL grading system after correcting it.Thank you


    People attend college or university for many different reasons (for example, new experiences, career preparation, increased knowledge). Why do you think people attend college or university? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.





    College plays an important role in our lives.It can provide a high education for every one of us. In my opinion, studying in college can attain new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge. I will explore the reasons why I feel this way in the following essay.

    To begin with, we can acquire new experiences from attending a college.Sometimes, the college will organize an event for the students to take part of it, so that, we can gain more experiences from the event. For example, my sister's college planned a show to perform in annual dinner. She must prepare everything well on time and arrange the roles for each student.

    Moreover, career preparation is vital for everybody; it can also be started in college. Oftentimes, the college stations us in a multinational company to work as an intern. For instance, my brother was studying Business Administration in a college.Then, he was sent to a company to work as an intern. The manager of the company had taught him so much of social skills. Now, he did not feel embarrassing socialize with everyone else.

    Furthermore, learning in college can assist us to get a holistic knowledge from every facet of education. We will pursue more credits at freshman and sophomore year in order to take our favourite courses, so, we grab this opportunity to join more courses in the college and increase our knowledge directly. Three years ago, I studied Mathematic in college but the credits that I scored was unsatisfied for me. On that day onwards, I intended to join more courses to achieve more credits. On the other hand, I had learnt a lot of new knowledge from other courses.

    In conclusion, I strongly believe that people who attend to the college will be taught effectively and efficiently. I can guarantee that we will be provided many advantages when we study in college. I think that these reasons are reasonable for everyone who attend to the college.
    Last edited by Happyfatboy; 29-Feb-2016 at 17:19.

  1. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: TOEFL essay -pls support by correcting my essay.preparing for exam pls urgent!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by Happyfatboy View Post

    Many people decide to go to college or university to obtain further education. College plays an important role in our lives.It can provide a high tertiary education for aspiring individuals wanting to obtain a higher qualification. every one of us. In my opinion, studying in college can attain new experiences, career preparation, and increased knowledge. I This essay will explore the main reasons why people attend college or university including to gain experience in new fields, as a way to prepare for one's career or just to add to one's knowledge. I feel this way in the following essay.

    To begin with, we can learn and become qualified in certain fields when we acquire new experiences from attend ing college or university. Sometimes, the college will organize an event for the students to take part of it, so that, we can gain more experiences from the event. For example, my sister's college planned a show to perform in annual dinner. She must prepare everything well on time and arrange the roles for each student.

    Moreover, career preparation, which is vital for everybody, it can also be started in college. Oftentimes, the a college stations us will place students in a multinational company to work as an intern. For instance, my brother was studying Business Administration in a college.Then, As part of his education, he was sent to a company to work as an intern. The manager of the company had taught him so much of many social skills. Now, he did does not feel embarrassed, and is in fact quite confident to ing socialize with everyone else at work.

    Furthermore, learning studying in college can assist us to get help us gain a holistic knowledge in a broad range of subjects. from every facet of education. We will Students pursue more credits at in freshman and sophomore year in order to take our their favourite preferred courses, and in do so, they get to learn about a diverse set of fields. we grab this opportunity to join more courses in the college and increase our knowledge directly. Three years ago, I studied mathematics in college, but the credits that I received were insufficient, so scored was unsatisfied for me. On that day onwards, I intended to join decided to take more courses to achieve more the credits level required for my course. On the other hand, I had That way, I learnt a lot of new knowledge from other courses.

    In conclusion, people attend college for reasons that are mostly related to their career or to improve their knowledge in some field. I strongly believe that people who attend to the college will be taught effectively and efficiently. I can guarantee that we will be provided many advantages when we study in college. I think that these reasons are reasonable for everyone who attend to the college.
    - I think your first body paragraph is off topic. I have provided a more likely topic sentence; you can write the rest of the paragraph if you like.
    - Your conclusion was completely off topic! In the conclusion of an exposition essay such as this, all you have to do is summarize the main points of the body paragraphs.

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    #3

    Re: TOEFL essay -pls support by correcting my essay.preparing for exam pls urgent!!!!

    Quote Originally Posted by teechar View Post
    - I think your first body paragraph is off topic. I have provided a more likely topic sentence; you can write the rest of the paragraph if you like.
    - Your conclusion was completely off topic! In the conclusion of an exposition essay such as this, all you have to do is summarize the main points of the body paragraphs.
    What do you mean to the sentences with red colour?You want me to erase it

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    #4

    Re: TOEFL essay -pls support by correcting my essay.preparing for exam pls urgent!!!!

    Happyfatboy
    You have been told that the parts in red are off-topic. You are supposed to rewrite them.
    I am not a teacher.

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