Results 1 to 8 of 8
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Tamil
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jul 2015
    • Posts: 290
    #1

    A 19-year-old’s request

    Hi there, I really appreciate if someone please proofread my writing below. Thank you.

    Short summary
    Today, a 19-year-old’s request for death is granted. As the folklore says, you need to be prepared for the worst after a visit by Devil.

    Long summary
    Flora’s announcement for a death wish in her social media worries her friends, who later invite her for a gathering beside Jakarta’s Ciliwung River to cheer her up. She, however, later gets Devil as a visitor, who happily grants her death wish.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 3,343
    #2

    Re: A 19-year-old’s request

    The sentences are fine but I am not sure about your personification of Devil.
    Last edited by tedmc; 04-Mar-2016 at 11:35.
    I am not a teacher.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Dec 2015
    • Posts: 9,359
    #3

    Re: A 19-year-old’s request

    Devil isn't usually a name but rather a sort of a title. Therefore, you would normally refer to that character as the devil. You can capitalize it as the Devil for dramatic effect.
    I am not a teacher.

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,088
    #4

    Re: A 19-year-old’s request

    Say:

    Today a 19-year-old's request for death was granted.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Tamil
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jul 2015
    • Posts: 290
    #5

    Re: A 19-year-old’s request

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    The sentences are fine but I am not sure about your personification of Devil.
    Thanks for your feedback. Basically, I'm referring to the ghost. Like a ghost hunt..

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Tamil
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Jul 2015
    • Posts: 290
    #6

    Re: A 19-year-old’s request

    Noted with thanks. For long summary, shall I say:

    However, she later gets devil as a visitor, who happily grants her death wish.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Dec 2015
    • Posts: 9,359
    #7

    Re: A 19-year-old’s request

    She could get the devil (or "Devil") as a visitor. Devil is not normally a character's name; if it is in this case, then its first letter has to be capitalized.
    I am not a teacher.

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 3,343
    #8

    Re: A 19-year-old’s request

    I think "the Devil" sounds better than "Devil" without the article.
    I am not a teacher.

Similar Threads

  1. [General] I have decided to travel other country every year. One time in one year.
    By jasonree123456 in forum Ask a Teacher
    Replies: 10
    Last Post: 11-Feb-2015, 21:41
  2. Replies: 1
    Last Post: 13-May-2013, 08:10
  3. Replies: 2
    Last Post: 13-Jan-2010, 20:30
  4. 2-Year ThinkPad Protection with 1-Year Depot to 2-Year Depot Repair
    By wml in forum General Language Discussions
    Replies: 6
    Last Post: 27-Oct-2006, 20:38

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •