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    #1

    The mouse

    It's a real story which happened to I and my uncle nearly 2 months ago. Would you please proofread it?

    -----------------------------
    The mouse
    The moon bathed the countryside in a silver light and a biting wind made the leaves rustle like soft silks. I and my uncle got out of the car and tremulously hit the house.

    “God, it is so cold, for how many days you have not been here, uncle?” I said and then moved towards the heater as a falcon chasing its prey.
    The heater was turned on and I stooped to adjust its flames, meanwhile a tiny thing drawn my attention. Furtively accosting it, I signed my uncle there was an animal under your bed. When I got close enough I declared: “Uncle, a mouse is under your bed.”

    “A rat!? From where in the seven hells it has come to my house!?” Unbelievably he uttered.

    “Till now, I have thought that just snakes are the sigil of his house but I guess I have got to add rats to this list too. Where the heck is your house? In the midst of a forest? Could hospital not grant you a better house?” I angrily muttered.

    “What should we do now?” Disappointedly my uncle asked.

    “Well, first of all we should neat your room” I replied, “For your medicine books omnipresent in this room will frustrate our efforts to catch the rat.” I continued, “Secondly, I recommend your finding two stuff for killing this filthy arrival.”

    “Ok” my uncle said, “I’ll be right back with two weapons”

    When my uncle came back, he gave me a hammer! But because I really didn’t want to kill a rat with such an arm I chose a sandal. Anyway, we besieged the mouse and tried to divert it towards a corner. My first blow failed and the bloody rat that seemed like a phantom eluded us.

    “Darn!” I yelled, “There is no way in the hell, filthy rat”

    The rat went under the sofa. I rapidly accosted the sofa and overturned it to make the rat come out of there and endanger its sanctuary. It came out and wanted to go to another room but suddenly it fell. Yes! My vigilant uncle with his green cover of air gun had hit it and sent the rat to the hereafter.

    ----------------------------------

    Regards.

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    #2

    Re: The mouse

    Nobody wants to proofread it? I posted my manuscript 12 days ago! I would appreciate it if somebody correct my errors.

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    #3

    Re: The mouse

    It's a real story which happened to I me and my uncle nearly 2 two months ago. Would you please proofread it?

    The Mouse

    The moon bathed the countryside in a silver light and a biting wind made the leaves rustle like soft silks. I and my uncle My uncle and I got out of the car and tremulously hit the house.

    “God, it is so cold, and for how many days you have you not been here, Uncle?” I said and then moved towards the heater as like a falcon chasing its prey.
    The heater was turned on and I stooped to adjust its flames. Meanwhile a tiny thing drawn my attention. Furtively accosting it, I signed signalled my uncle there was an animal under your his bed. When I got close enough I declared, “Uncle, a mouse is under your bed.”

    “A rat!? From where in the seven hells it has it come to my house!?” Unbelievably he uttered.

    “Till now, I have thought that just snakes are the sigil of his house but I guess I have got to add rats to this list too. Where the heck is your house? In the midst of a forest? Could hospital(?) not grant you a better house?” I angrily muttered.

    “What should we do now?” Disappointedly my uncle asked.

    “Well, first of all we should neat tidy up your room” I replied, “For your medicine books omnipresent in this room will frustrate our efforts to catch the rat.” I continued, “Secondly, I recommend your finding two stuff two things for killing these filthy arrivals.”

    “Ok” my uncle said, “I’ll be right back with the two weapons”

    When my uncle came back, he gave me a hammer! But because I really didn’t want to kill a rat with such an arm a weapon I chose a sandal. Anyway, we besieged the mouse and tried to divert it towards a corner. My first blow failed and the bloody rat that seemed like a phantom eluded us.

    “Darn!” I yelled, “There is no way in the hell, filthy rat”

    The rat went under the sofa. I rapidly accosted the sofa and overturned it to make the rat come out of there and endanger its sanctuary. It came out and wanted to go to another room but suddenly it fell. Yes! My vigilant uncle with his green cover of air gun had hit it and sent the rat to the hereafter.
    Last edited by tedmc; 17-Mar-2016 at 19:57.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: The mouse

    What are you going to do with this essay?
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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    #5

    Re: The mouse

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    What are you going to do with this essay?
    Keeping it for myself.

    Can I ask you that why most of teachers are loath to proofread the essays of students? They only focus on the "Ask a teacher" forum, while many of us are waiting that a teacher take a glance at our essays!

    I hope that in the future this section get more attention.

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    #6

    Re: The mouse

    Quote Originally Posted by Flogger View Post
    Can I ask you that why most of teachers are loath to proofread the essays of students? They only focus on the "Ask a teacher" forum, while many of us are waiting that a teacher take a glance at our essays!
    People who respond here are volunteers, giving up their free time to help others. As it's their free time, they naturally enough tend to concentrate on what they are good at and/or what interests them. If you want a service tailored to your particular needs, you may find you will have to pay someone. You can't expect volunteers to be at your beck and call.

    I hope that in the future this section get more attention.
    It may. It may not. It depends on the amount of free time volunteers are willing to give up to it.

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    #7

    Re: The mouse

    Quote Originally Posted by tedmc View Post
    “Till now, I have thought that just snakes are the sigil of his house but I guess I have got to add rats to this list too. Where the heck is your house? In the midst of a forest? Could hospital(?) not grant you a better house?” I angrily muttered.
    My Uncle is a doctor and has temporarily been granted a house from the hospital that he works in it.

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    #8

    Re: The mouse

    Say:

    I would appreciate it if somebody would correct my errors.

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    #9

    Re: The mouse

    Quote Originally Posted by Tarheel View Post
    Say:

    I would appreciate it if somebody would correct my errors.
    Is it abnormal to say: "I would appreciate it if somebody correct my errors"?

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    #10

    Re: The mouse

    Quote Originally Posted by Flogger View Post
    Is it abnormal to say: "I would appreciate it if somebody correct my errors"?
    Yes.

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