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  1. caban's Avatar
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    #1

    Several sentences for evaluation and/or correction

    I wrote another article for my blog. Below are sentences that I have the biggest trouble with. Some ( if not all ) I feel might be grammatically incorrect, others could use syntax refinement. I will be grateful for any comments.

    Even though the promise of what lies behind it has changed over the course of history our desire remained. ( is the present perfect ok here, or should I use present perfect continuous? )


    That is the reason why we want to have an understanding of reality which is crystal-clear and rapier-sharp so we can move around with chests high and heads straight.


    Knowing how truth brings certainty lets return to the matter why.
    ( in the sense of why it does it )


    Even something as obvious as walking on a pavement is based on a prediction. The prediction that with each step your body will land on a firm ground instead of getting sucked up by the gray goo and threw up to Disneyland.


    Whichever camp you join, the truth is the torch of rightness. It serves as the light illuminating the just conduct and bringing sight back to the blind. Unfortunately, often it shines so bright that instead of illuminating, it blinds its carriers to the origin of the matter and the rationale behind it.


    It is hard to think of a life in which you aren't even sure whether suddenly an anvil will fall on your head or your heart stops to beat.


    If it were possible, we would bath every day in a Jacuzzi of smiles, drinking its heart-patting liquid of cheerfulness, and swallowing its laugh-evoking bubbles.



    That's all, thank you in advance :)

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    #2

    Re: Several sentences for evaluation and/or correction

    1. Even though the promise of what lies lay behind it has changed over the course of history, our desire has remained.


    2. That is the reason why we want to have an understanding of the reality which is crystal-clear and rapier-sharp so we can move around with our chests high and heads straight.


    3/ Knowing how truth brings certainty, lets return to the matter why focus on the reason. ( in the sense of why it does it )


    4. Even something as obvious as walking on a pavement is based on a prediction. The prediction that with each step, your body will land on a firm ground instead of getting sucked up by the gray goo and threw up thrown to Disneyland.


    5. Whichever camp you join, the truth is the torch of righteousness. It serves as the light illuminating the just conduct and bringing sight back to the blind. Unfortunately, often it shines so bright that instead of illuminating, it blinds its carriers to the origin of the matter and the rationale behind it.


    6. It is hard to think of a life in which you aren't even sure whether suddenly an anvil will fall on your head or your heart stops to beat beating.


    7. If it were possible, we would be bathing every day in a jacuzzi of smiles, drinking its heart-patting liquid of cheerfulness, and swallowing its laugh-evoking bubbles.
    I am not a teacher.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Several sentences for evaluation and/or correction

    In the sentence about the jacuzzi, I don't agree with tedmc's change of "bath" (verb) to "be bathing". In BrE, we don't use the present continuous as frequently as some learners (and textbooks) seem to think we do. I would write "If it were possible, we would bathe every day in a jacuzzi" or, more colloquially, "If possible, we would have a jacuzzi every day".

    Note that in BrE, we "have a bath/shower" whereas in AmE it's "take a bath/shower". In a house with a jacuzzi, I would simply say "I'm going to have a jacuzzi" or just "I'm going for a jacuzzi" if I meant "I am going to go and sit in the jacuzzi for a while"!

    I realise that the original referred to a "jacuzzi of smiles" so it was being used metaphorically but the sentence construction would be the same for me.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  3. caban's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: Several sentences for evaluation and/or correction

    Quote Originally Posted by emsr2d2 View Post
    I realise that the original referred to a "jacuzzi of smiles" so it was being used metaphorically but the sentence construction would be the same for me.
    This means you would leave the original sentence as it is?

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    #5

    Re: Several sentences for evaluation and/or correction

    7. If it were possible, we would bath every day in a jacuzzi of smiles, drinking its heart-patting liquid of cheerfulness, and swallowing its laugh-evoking bubbles

    I do not like the word 'bathe' used metaphorically with "jacuzzi of smiles" either, used in the present tense or the present continuous tense.
    What about replacing it with the verb 'bask' instead?
    I am not a teacher.

  4. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Several sentences for evaluation and/or correction

    Quote Originally Posted by caban View Post
    Does this means mean you would leave the original sentence as it is?
    No.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

  5. caban's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Several sentences for evaluation and/or correction

    All right, thank you very much tedmc and emsr2d2 for comments and corrections :)

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    #8

    Re: Several sentences for evaluation and/or correction

    It should be noted that Jacuzzi is a corporate brand name, but it has been genericized, so whether to capitalize it is not a cut-and-dried issue.
    Translator, editor and TESOL certificate holder, but not a teacher. Native speaker of American English (West Coast)

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