essay - why do some people try extreme sports

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bartdebsky

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I wrote an essay about how do some people try extreme sports a few days ago. Can anyone check it out? And give my any suggestions. I will be grateful. Thank you so much!

Why do some people try extreme sports?

Nowadays, there is a large number of activities to do in our daily life, but one of them are getting more and more popular all around the world which are called extreme sports among other things, kiteboarding, surfing, climbing, sky diving practiced by many enthusiasts. On the one hand, extreme sports give them a great opportunity to compete not with the people but with the nature’s forces, but on the other hand it is slightly more than this – there is an enormous number of reasons why do some people try extreme sports.
Firstly, extreme sports are associated with the high pressure. They can involve speed and changes in atmospheric pressure that could have an impact on the blood pressure level which has been proved by scientists. Many people are concerned with doing something risky. They have a strong desire to feel that adrenalin is getting going, which it could improve their senses and makes that they can get better in their daily life.
Moreover, due to the extreme sports people are able to face their fears and weaknesses which it makes someone feels mentally stronger. The high element of risk makes you feel alive, tests what you are made of and how far you can take yourself. Through engaging those kinds of sports the braves can take getting out of their fears. The fear that drives many people away from the risks of extreme sports may be the same ingredient that keeps others coming back for more.
Finally, not everyone wants to spend their time watching TV or playing computer games and extreme sports are a good alternative for those who are looking for something little more exciting. Instead of sitting at home, they can enjoy extreme sports because they give them the opportunity to travel throughout the world to new and exciting places to experience the sport in a different way.
The scientists still are working on why do people try extreme sports and what is the focal factor which has impact on which they want to like to do. One thing is certain, extreme sports seem to be more and more popular all around the world and the number of fans of these activities is ever-increasing.
 

emsr2d2

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What will you do with this essay once it's ready?
 

bartdebsky

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What will you do with this essay once it's ready?

I actually did it for myself, because I've been learning writing in English. Can you help me and mark it?
 

teechar

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Why do some people try extreme sports?

Nowadays, there is a large number of activities to do in our daily life, but [STRIKE]one of them[/STRIKE] some are getting more and more popular all around the world. [STRIKE]which[/STRIKE] These are called extreme sports [STRIKE]among other things,[/STRIKE] and include kiteboarding, surfing, climbing, and sky diving. [STRIKE]practiced by many enthusiasts.[/STRIKE] On the one hand, extreme sports [STRIKE]give them[/STRIKE] offer a great opportunity to compete not [STRIKE]with the[/STRIKE] against other people but [STRIKE]with the[/STRIKE] against nature’s forces. But [STRIKE]on the other hand it is slightly more than this – there is an enormous[/STRIKE] there are [STRIKE]number of[/STRIKE] other reasons why [STRIKE]do[/STRIKE] some people try extreme sports.

Firstly, extreme sports are associated with [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] high pressure. They can involve speed and changes in atmospheric pressure that could have an impact on the blood pressure level, which has been proven by scientists to cause excitement. Many people are [STRIKE]concerned with[/STRIKE] interested in doing something risky. They have a strong desire to feel that adrenalin rush. [STRIKE]is getting going, which it could improve their senses and makes that they can get better in their daily life. [/STRIKE]

Moreover, [STRIKE]due to the[/STRIKE] doing extreme sports can help people [STRIKE]are able to[/STRIKE] face their fears and weaknesses, which [STRIKE]it[/STRIKE] can make someone feel mentally stronger. The high element of risk makes you feel alive, tests what you are made of and how far you can take yourself. Through engaging in those kinds of sports, the braves can take getting out of their fears. The fear that drives many people away from the risks of extreme sports may be the same ingredient that keeps others coming back for more.

Finally, not everyone wants to spend their time watching TV or playing computer games, and extreme sports are a good alternative for those who are looking for something [STRIKE]little[/STRIKE] more exciting. Instead of sitting at home, they can enjoy extreme sports because they give them the opportunity to travel throughout the world to new and exciting places to experience the sport in a different way.

[STRIKE]The[/STRIKE] Nonetheless, scientists [STRIKE]still are working on[/STRIKE] are still looking for the definitive answer to why do people try extreme sports. [STRIKE]and what is the focal factor which has impact on which they want to like to do.[/STRIKE] One thing is certain; extreme sports seem to be more and more popular all around the world and the number of [STRIKE]fans of[/STRIKE] participants in these activities is ever-increasing.
The second part of your first body paragraph just repeats the first part. It's supposed to give more detail and specific examples to prove your point. A typical body paragraph follows a general-to-specific pattern.
Similarly, the second part of your second body paragraph should give detailed/concrete points and examples.
 

bartdebsky

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The second part of your first body paragraph just repeats the first part. It's supposed to give more detail and specific examples to prove your point. A typical body paragraph follows a general-to-specific pattern.
Similarly, the second part of your second body paragraph should give detailed/concrete points and examples.


Thank you! I am grateful for helping me. I agree with you, you have got a right. I guess that I would improve some parts of my essay.
 
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