Page 2 of 3 First 1 2 3 Last
Results 11 to 20 of 28
  1. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 15,499
    #11

    Re: Hello, Could you please check and mark my short story?

    Perhaps:

    They had talked for about an hour before they both had to leave.

    (The phrase "part away" is not an English expression.)

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 15,499
    #12

    Re: Hello, Could you please check and mark my short story?

    Say:

    After he mustered up all his courage he walked over to her.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 15,499
    #13

    Re: Hello, Could you please check and mark my short story?

    The phrase "final separation" suggests that they're not going to see each other again. Perhaps:

    Before they parted....

    (No, do not edit the original post.)

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 15,499
    #14

    Jack and Nancy

    Time to eat!

  5. Key Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Chinese
      • Home Country:
      • Malaysia
      • Current Location:
      • Malaysia

    • Join Date: Apr 2014
    • Posts: 4,829
    #15

    Re: Jack and Nancy

    It is a good, juicy story, just that I find the ending is a bit abrupt.
    I am not a teacher or a native speaker.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 15,499
    #16

    Re: Hello, Could you please check and mark my short story?

    Say:

    to take place the following week.

  7. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 15,499
    #17

    Re: Hello, Could you please check and mark my short story?

    Say:

    ...he planned their next meeting with utmost determination.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 15,499
    #18

    Jack and Nancy

    He took her to a 5 star restaurant for their second "date"? Wow!

  9. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 15,499
    #19

    Jack and Nancy

    He was surprised that she didn't want to do the same thing he did?

  10. Tarheel's Avatar
    VIP Member
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 15,499
    #20

    Re: Jack and Nancy

    I am surprised that he was surprised.

Page 2 of 3 First 1 2 3 Last

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •