[Grammar] A humble request to review my letter and suggest if there any change requires

[tamzidk]

Hello everyone!

I am a newbie in this forum, and I know it's very impolite to ask any kind of help on very first post. But it is very essential for me to send a proper email to the faculty of my chosen university, so that they can fill me with my required information.

I will appreciate very much if anybody look into/ review my bellow letter and suggest me any change/improvement.

Dear …. ….

This is to request more information about your Management Degree Program at University . I am a ...... National. I did my graduation from University (India) in Management (Major Information Technology). So, I am extremely interested in this course and I am willing to apply for it in your renowned university for admission in winter 2016.

Currently I am working in an IT company in their Project management office. In future I want to build my career as a Project or Product Manager. As I have already visited your website and look into the curriculum. I think joining in management course will really help me to advance my career as it the perfect combination to gain profound knowledge communication and various areas of management.

I came to know from your website, admission requirement is a bachelor with minimum grade 3.50. Since I have a grade of 3.30, but with relevant work experience, will I be considered as an applicant? Second, another admission requirement is to have knowledge of English. As I already studied in a foreign university and my medium of instruction was English, do I have to submit IELTS score?

Thank you in advance for your attention to my request. I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours sincerely,


Thank you in advance.

T

 

[teechar]

Dear …. ….

This is to request more information about your Management degree program at XYX University. I am a ...... national, but I [STRIKE]did my graduation[/STRIKE] obtained my bachelor's degree from ABC University (India) in Management (Major in Information Technology). So, I am extremely interested in this course, and I am [STRIKE]willing[/STRIKE] eager to apply for it in your renowned university for admission in winter 2016.

Currently, I am working in the project-management division of an IT company. [STRIKE]in their Project management office.[/STRIKE] In future, I want to build my career as a project or product manager. As I have already visited your website and looked into the curriculum, I [STRIKE]think joining in[/STRIKE] believe doing your management course will really help me to advance my career as it is the perfect [STRIKE]combination[/STRIKE] qualification to gain profound knowledge [STRIKE]communication and[/STRIKE] in various areas of management.

I came to know from your website that among the admission requirements is having a bachelor's with a minimum grade of 3.50. Since I have a grade of 3.30, but with relevant work experience, will I be considered as an applicant? Second, another admission requirement is to have a knowledge of English. As I already studied in a foreign university [STRIKE]and my[/STRIKE] where the medium of instruction was English, do I have to submit an IELTS score?

Thank you in advance for your attention, and [STRIKE]to my request.[/STRIKE] I look forward to receiving your response.

Yours sincerely,

Jackie Smith.

[STRIKE] Thank you in advance.

T[/STRIKE]

You should refer to the exact name of the course you're interested in; e.g., "... your Master of Management in IT degree program..."