[Application] please kindly correct my motivation letter(200 words)

[shapol46]

In my opinion Cells are like galaxies, while we try so hard to improve our knowledge about them still there are many unknowns that need to be discover. That’s why its need interdisciplinary work that many researchers from different backgrounds collaborate together to tackle these many challenges. I believe that your PhD program offer the chance to those who have ambitious to discover what’s going on in cells which can help us to increase our knowledge and as a result prevent or cure several diseases in which genetics play an important role. The emphasis on imaging shows the state- of- the- art methods that the program offer, world known scientists, my eager to study RNA biology and multicultural environment, as well are all my reasons to apply to this program.Besides theoretical knowledge during my bachelor and master studies and five years teaching experience, I have learned and applied various laboratory techniques such as PCR-based methods and cell culture during my master. I also have presented two articles about bioinformatics in two international congress, and I was able work independently and in the team during my master. Therefore, I feel confident that I will succeed should I be given the opportunity to attend to this program.

 

[teechar]

In my opinion, cells are like galaxies; while we try so hard to improve our knowledge about them, [STRIKE]still[/STRIKE] there are still many unknowns that need to be discovered. That’s why [STRIKE]its need[/STRIKE] interdisciplinary work is needed, involving [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] many researchers from different backgrounds collaborating together to tackle these many challenges. I believe that your PhD program offers the chance to those who have ambitions [STRIKE]us[/STRIKE] to discover what’s going on in cells [STRIKE]which can help us[/STRIKE] to increase [STRIKE]our[/STRIKE] their knowledge [STRIKE]and as a result prevent or cure several[/STRIKE] of diseases in which genetics play an important role. The emphasis on imaging shows the state- of- the- art methods that the program offer, world known scientists, my eager to study RNA biology and multicultural environment, as well are all my reasons to apply to this program. Besides the theoretical knowledge during my bachelor's and master's studies and five years teaching experience, I have learned and applied various laboratory techniques such as PCR-based methods and cell culture during my master's program. I also have presented two articles about bioinformatics in two international congress meetings, and I was able to work independently and in [STRIKE]the[/STRIKE] a team during my master's program. Therefore, I feel confident that I will succeed should I be given the opportunity to attend [STRIKE]to[/STRIKE] this program.

The highlighted sentence doesn't work; consider revising it.

 

[shapol46]

Dear teacher thanks a lot.
is this better?
There are many reasons that I would like to apply for this program, such as: The program emphasis on imaging which shows the state- of- the- art methods that it offers, world's well known scientists, my eager to study RNA biology, interdisciplinary work among different groups, and multicultural environment.

 

[teechar]

There are many reasons [STRIKE]that[/STRIKE] why I would like to apply for this program, [STRIKE]such as: The program[/STRIKE] including its emphasis on state-of-the-art imaging methods, [STRIKE]which shows the state- of- the- art methods that it offers, world's well known[/STRIKE] its eminent scientists, my eagerness to study RNA biology, the interdisciplinary work involved, [STRIKE]among different groups,[/STRIKE] and the program's multicultural environment.

See corrections.

 

[shapol46]

again many many thanks dear teacher.i also wrote another motivation for another PhD program. i changed this part, please kindly correct it. There are many reasons why I would like to apply for this program, including the prestige’s of XXX university and its eminent scientists. I always wished to work in international and interdisciplinary environment that attending XXX University will provide. Access to a wide range of cutting-edge techniques is another reason. Unfortunately during my master because of lack of research facilities my ambition to work on RNA did not materializeRNA biology especially xxxx is my favorite field of study. I would like to be among top scientists in the world and as a result participate in solving some of most challenging molecular questions. Therefore, I believe that working under supervision of prof. XXX, prof. XXX and prof. XXX, will promote my skills and your program and its objectives would give me the opportunity to achieve my goals.