On mentioning her father,she thinks of his face being wrinkled with age and hardship.
The above sentence is translated from Chinese. Is it acceptable to native speakers?
I need native speakers' help.
For a start, you need a space after the comma.
It's not very natural.
Whenever she mentions her father, she pictures his face [which is/was] wrinkled by age and hardship.
Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.