huynguyen158
Member
- Joined
- Mar 10, 2016
- Member Type
- Student or Learner
- Native Language
- Vietnamese
- Home Country
- Vietnam
- Current Location
- Vietnam
Hi everyone,
Here is my IELTS writing about the use of leisure time and some remarks from my teacher:
Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.
· You should write at least 250 words.
· You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
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People have different views about how leisure time should be used in a proper way. While there are benefits for those who prefer relaxing the mind, the advantages of activities that enhance the brain are highly justifiable.
On the one hand, people spending time on intelligent activities such as: reading books or solving word puzzles appear [STRIKE]to have opportunities [/STRIKE]to become more happy and successful in life. In fact, reading books allows people to escape into a different world(which) eases the tensions in the rest of the body. Also, reading helps people expand their knowledge on fields that they really love. Likewise, playing puzzles not only serves the purpose of deriving fun, but also keeps the brain active and sharp at any age. By doing such activities, people will certainly develops their intellectual capacities through reasoning, thinking and imaging. This can turn out to be fruitful in the future.
On the other hand, many people would rather enjoy mindless activities in their free time. Firstly, after getting off from work with a mind was full of stress [STRIKE]and thoughts[/STRIKE], some people tend to involve in activities that can help them refresh their minds and [STRIKE]get back[/STRIKE] (->recharge) the energy. Meanwhile, playing puzzles or reading books means that they have to focus and keep their brains working. [STRIKE]This[/STRIKE](->such activities----I don't know why I cannot use "this"?) could increase the fatigue they have suffered (from-> Does it really need "from"?). In addition, one might argue that exercise or some outdoor recreations such as: mountain climbing or swimming is very interesting and restful. Also, these activities help people relieve stress and keep them healthy.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against using leisure time to improve the mind, but the benefits still outweigh the drawbacks. Devoting time to such activities seems to be a more plausible alternative.
294 words.
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Could you please check and give me some advice to improve my essay? Thank you very much!
Here is my IELTS writing about the use of leisure time and some remarks from my teacher:
Some people think that it is important to use leisure time for activities that improve the mind, such as reading and doing word puzzles.
Other people feel that it is important to rest the mind during leisure time.
· You should write at least 250 words.
· You should spend about 40 minutes on this task.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
--------------------------------------------------------------
People have different views about how leisure time should be used in a proper way. While there are benefits for those who prefer relaxing the mind, the advantages of activities that enhance the brain are highly justifiable.
On the one hand, people spending time on intelligent activities such as: reading books or solving word puzzles appear [STRIKE]to have opportunities [/STRIKE]to become more happy and successful in life. In fact, reading books allows people to escape into a different world(which) eases the tensions in the rest of the body. Also, reading helps people expand their knowledge on fields that they really love. Likewise, playing puzzles not only serves the purpose of deriving fun, but also keeps the brain active and sharp at any age. By doing such activities, people will certainly develops their intellectual capacities through reasoning, thinking and imaging. This can turn out to be fruitful in the future.
On the other hand, many people would rather enjoy mindless activities in their free time. Firstly, after getting off from work with a mind was full of stress [STRIKE]and thoughts[/STRIKE], some people tend to involve in activities that can help them refresh their minds and [STRIKE]get back[/STRIKE] (->recharge) the energy. Meanwhile, playing puzzles or reading books means that they have to focus and keep their brains working. [STRIKE]This[/STRIKE](->such activities----I don't know why I cannot use "this"?) could increase the fatigue they have suffered (from-> Does it really need "from"?). In addition, one might argue that exercise or some outdoor recreations such as: mountain climbing or swimming is very interesting and restful. Also, these activities help people relieve stress and keep them healthy.
In conclusion, there are convincing arguments both for and against using leisure time to improve the mind, but the benefits still outweigh the drawbacks. Devoting time to such activities seems to be a more plausible alternative.
294 words.
--------------------------------------------------------------
Could you please check and give me some advice to improve my essay? Thank you very much!
