we can keep being on the air, playing commercial free music, Only- if supported by...

[Fabiotek]

Hello Admin/s, Moderator/s and forum members!

We run zero-revenue, commercial-free radio stations, supporting many new/young music composers, airing their works.

We have ready for reading a couple of scripts, but as English is not our mother tongue, we are a little bit concerned that scripts contain grammar or express the concept not in a proper way for English speaking people... We wouldn't be very proud to have listeners laughing or pulling up eyebrows while listening at us! :-(

May I ask you your opinion regarding the below two sentences, before we read them "live?

Thank you, it is much appreciated!

Best regards,

Fabio


1) Do you want to listen to your favorite radio station anytime anywhere? Our "MRG.fm Radio" App is available for Android, iPhone and Tablets. Visit [hyperlink removed] and download it for free.

2) We hope you are enjoying the music we handpick for you. Please remember that we can keep being on the air, playing commercial free music -Only- if supported by your donations. Thank you.

 

[bhaisahab]

They are fine.

 

[Fabiotek]

Thank you very much Bhaisahab,

May I ask if :

"Please remember that we can keep being on the air, playing commercial free music, -Only- if supported by your donations"

is as good as

"Please remember that we can keep on being on-air playing commercial free music, -Only- if we are supported by your donations."

or any of the 2 is to be preferred for grammatical/ form reasons?
​
Thank you again; your assistance is much appreciated.

Best regards,
Fabio

 

[JMurray]

not a teacher

There are a number of ways to phrase this naturally. Here is one possibility.

"Please remember that we can stay on air, playing commercial-free music, only if we're supported by your donations."

 

[emsr2d2]

I find -Only - very unnatural and messy. JMurray's version above much better.

 

[Fabiotek]

Hello JMurray and Emsr2d2 and thank you for helping us out!

Regarding the suggestion of JMurray to replace "keep on being on the air" with "stay on the air" seems good because it makes also more comprehensible the reading. If this particular suggestion looks fine also to the teachers, we will be happy to implement it.

Regarding the comment of Emsr2d2, I am afraid I did not understand it.
For what I see JMurray just removed the "-" and the capital "O" letter in that part of the sentence.
If this is what you meant, I would like to clarify that we wrote it like that only as a reminder for the speaker to "mark" and put some "emphasis" while reading of the word "only". Could you please clarify? Thank you.

Thanks,

Best regards

 

[Tdol]

-Only-

*only* would work better for me. *...* is used for emphasis on the web and I see no need for the capital letter in the original.

 

[JMurray]

not a teacher

It's usual to use italics, bold or underlining to indicate emphasis. For the purpose of indicating to an on-air reader that you want to emphasise "only", underlining might be simplest.

"… playing commercial-free music, only if we're supported by your donations."

 

[Fabiotek]

deleted as clicked "reply" twice; I apologize for that.

 

[bhaisahab]

I thought it was obvious that the capital "O" was to indicate emphasis for the speaker of the text. Just saying. ;-)

 

[Fabiotek]

Hello JMurray and Tdol,

Thank you, it's a very good point and I totally agree with you, however this is not going to have visibility in this small project as the “-Only-“ is (was) just a note for the speaker.
We won't publish this script in anywhere; we are focusing on what the speaker will read and the aim is to make it sound as good/correct/understandable as possible.

One of the dilemmas is also if to go for:
“Please remember that we can stay on-air, playing commercial-free music, only if we're supported by your donations"
or
“Please remember that we can keep on being on-air, playing commercial-free music, only if we're supported by your donations” ...or anything else.

Thank you again.

Best regards,

Fabio

 

[Tdol]

I'd use stay/remain on air. Your second option doesn't work for me,

 

[GoesStation]

I'll add one remark to the helpful responses you've already received: please don't use the phrase pulling up eyebrows. It may be an evocative idiom in your own language but it doesn't exist in English.

 

[Tarheel]

A couple of things. Say:

Do you want to be able to listen to your favorite radio station anytime anywhere?

And:

We hope you are enjoying the music we handpicked for you.

And:

We wouldn't be happy to have listeners laughing or raising their eyebrows while listening to us.

 

[Fabiotek]

Dear forum Admin/Moderators/Members,

Thank you, this was a great brainstorming session.
Making changes to the original sentence as per the gathered suggestions, can we consider acceptable ( grammar/ structure /etc.) the below revised sentence?

"We hope you are enjoying the music we handpicked for you. Please remember that we can only continue broadcasting and play commercial free music with your support. Please, consider making a donation".

Also, If we want to avoid repeating "please" twice in the same sentence, should we remove the one at the beginning of the sentence (would it be rude?) , the one at the end or do you think that the sentence is acceptable as it is now?"

Thank you again!

Best regards

 

[bhaisahab]

I would remove the "Please" at the beginning and start with "Remember".

 

[GoesStation]

If you put this text in writing, please write hand-picked. The adjective can be unhyphenated but the verb requires a hyphen.

 

[Tarheel]

Consider:

We hope you have been enjoying the music we picked just for you, our listeners. Please remember that we can only stay on the air with your support. Please consider making a donation.

(I am assuming that your listeners already know it's commercial-free programming.)