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      • Native Language:
      • Polish
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      • Poland
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    • Join Date: Apr 2016
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    #1

    Cover letter - plese review my cover letter

    Date
    School name

    Dear Sir or Madam,
    It is with considerable interest that I enclose my resume for Music Teacher position currently available with xxxxxxxx. With almost 22 years of music-related experience, I am confident in my ability to become an asset to your educational institution.
    As you will note, I have acquired both a Masterís of Music Degree and a Bachelorís Degree in Education.
    As a versatile individual, I have had the opportunity to hold a number of professional roles including Music Teacher and Private Music Instructor. Through these experiences, I have been fortunate enough to educate a diverse group of elementary and middle school students, who functioned below- and on grade level.
    My goal is to instil a sense of music appreciation, while at the same time teaching students about the technical aspects of music. Furthermore, I strive to expand childrenís interests by organizing field trips, integrating multicultural lessons, and incorporating a wide range of activities, manipulatives, and cooperative learning projects. By utilizing these effective methods, I am able to reach out to each student, introduce new concepts, foster a fun learning environment, and help students blossom into well-rounded individuals.
    In closing, I look forward to meeting with you to discuss in greater detail how I can contribute to the continued success of your music program. If you have any questions, or would like to set a time to meet, please feel free to contact me at the number listed above. In the interim, thank you for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely
    xxxx

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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      • American English
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      • United States
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    #2

    Re: Cover letter - plese review my cover letter

    You need to space between paragraphs. "Music teacher" is not a proper noun. The word "utilize" doesn't say anything that "use" doesn't say. "Please feel free to contact me" has three times as many letters as "Call me" does.

    Why are you looking for a new position?

  2. teechar's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: Cover letter - plese review my cover letter

    Quote Originally Posted by Slawexsdz View Post
    I enclose my resume for the music teacher position currently available with xxxxxxxx.
    Quote Originally Posted by Slawexsdz View Post
    who functioned below- and on grade level.
    Do you perhaps mean, "who had various learning difficulties?"

    Quote Originally Posted by Slawexsdz View Post
    My goal is to instill a sense of music appreciation, while at the same time teaching students about the technical aspects of music. Furthermore, I strive to expand childrenís interests by organizing field trips, integrating multicultural aspects into my lessons, and incorporating a wide range of activities, as well as manipulative, and cooperative learning projects.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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      • United States

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    #4

    Re: Cover letter - plese review my cover letter

    It is true that the organizing takes place, but it might be better to say that you take the kids on field trips rather than that you organize them.

    Where did you take the kids on those field trips?

    Did you get the job?

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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      • American English
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      • United States
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      • United States

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    #5

    Re: Cover letter - plese review my cover letter

    In American English we would say the kids functioned below or AT grade level.

  5. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: Cover letter - plese review my cover letter

    Quote Originally Posted by Slawexsdz View Post
    Date
    School name

    Dear Sir or Madam,
    It is with considerable interest that I enclose my resume for the music teacher position currently available at xxxxxxxx. With almost 22 years of music-related experience, I am confident of my ability to be an asset to your school.

    As you will note, I have [Delete "both."] both a master's degree in music and a bachelor’s degree in education.

    As a versatile individual, I have had the opportunity to hold a number of professional roles, including music teacher and private music instructor.

    Through these experiences, I have taught a diverse group of elementary and middle school students, who functioned below [no hyphen] and at grade level. [I'd rephrase that. If they were functioning below their grade level, was it because you were a bad teacher? I doubt it! Maybe you mean: many of whom were functioning below grade level before I had the opportunity to work with them.]

    My goal is to instil a sense of music appreciation [no comma] while at the same time teaching students about the technical aspects of music. Furthermore, I strive to expand children’s interests by organizing field trips, integrating multicultural lessons, and incorporating a wide range of activities, manipulatives [Is that an educators' word? I've never seen it used as a noun.], and cooperative learning projects. By using these [Delete "effect." We can assume that they weren't ineffective!] methods, I can reach [Delete "out to."] each student, introduce new concepts, foster a fun learning environment, and help students blossom into well-rounded individuals.

    [Delete "In closing." You're obviously closing.] I look forward to meeting with you to discuss [Delete "in greater detail."] how I can contribute to the [Delete "continued."] success of your music program. If you have any questions [no comma] or would like to set a time to meet, please [Delete "feel free." It sounds like you think Sir or Madam is bashful.] to contact me at the number listed above. Meanwhile, thank you for your time and consideration.

    Sincerely
    xxxx
    It's very good. As you can see, I think it can be more concise, something that busy working people appreciate.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: Cover letter - plese review my cover letter

    Not once have I ever seen a professional writer use the phrase "in conclusion". However, some amateur writers seem to think it's the thing to do.

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