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      • Native Language:
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      • Iran
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    • Join Date: Apr 2016
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    #1

    Cover Letter needs fixed tone of speech

    I am trying to land on my dream job! Here is part of (first Paragraph) my Cover Letter
    Dear Sirs, I have over 20 years of C programming skills. I have developed it in various fields from automation industry to genome data analyses. I did bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering/Electronics. When I visit people doing something repeatedly by their hands, I promote them to automate their jobs. My view is based on my Automation Engineering skills. I believe that Automation can elaborate level of the jobs but if and only if it is based on an analytical précised model.
    Here I am trying to say something to relate to the second paragraph. I wanted to say (or proof) that Automation is important but should be based on good model/algorithm . I know I need to redesign this paragraph please help me
    Last edited by farshad_ir; 20-Apr-2016 at 21:08.

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      • Canada
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    #2

    Re: Cover Letter needs fixed tone of speech

    Hey, these are the changes I'd make:
    Dear Sirs, I have over 20 years of experience in C programming. I have obtained these skills while doing my bachelor's degree in Electrical Engineering/Electronics and working in various fields from automation industry to genome data analyses. That's why based on what I've learnt I believe workplace automation benefits not only company owners but regular workers. And whenever I see a person denying the advantages of automation I'm trying to show them what their results would be if they relied on automatic control a little bit more. However, I also believe one should not bluntly rely on it unless a proper job has been done on the model or algorithm.
    Also, I think you should start with why you want to work at that company and what motivates you to make your cover letter a little bit more personal so that when the company representative reads it he wants to schedule an interview with you immediately. Actually, you can check these [REMOVED URL] to get a better insight into this.
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 30-Apr-2016 at 12:05. Reason: Removed link to website containing appalling English

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      • United States
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    • Join Date: Apr 2016
    • Posts: 9
    #3

    Smile Re: Cover Letter needs fixed tone of speech

    Quote Originally Posted by farshad_ir View Post
    I am trying to land on my dream job! Here is part of (first Paragraph) my Cover Letter Here I am trying to say something to relate to the second paragraph. I wanted to say (or proof) that Automation is important but should be based on good model/algorithm . I know I need to redesign this paragraph please help me

    Hello,

    The tone of your letter is a little confusing. You have to speak about what qualifies you to the job and how your skills are aligned to your prospective employer's requirement. Here is a sample letter that covers all necessary points that should be mentioned:

    Dear Hiring Manager





    As a highly skilled Automation Engineer I read your posting for a new Automation Engineer with interest. My experience aligns well with the qualifications you are seeking at NC Manufacturing in particular my role as an Automation Engineer at Abbott Tooling and I am certain I would make a valuable addition to your organisation.
    With more than nine years’ experience as an Automation Engineer I am adept in equipment planning resource optimisation and quality assurance. Moreover while my on-the-job experience has afforded me a well-rounded skill set including first-rate leadership and project management abilities I excel at:



    • Conceptualising production improvements including equipment fixtures and tooling.
    • Writing quality assurance and machine operation requirements.
    • Providing practical solutions to sales force and other departments.
    • Calibrating and programming automation equipment.


    In addition to my experience and personal qualities I have a solid educational foundation and a passion for high-quality automated manufacturing. I am extremely enthusiastic about NC Manufacturing’s focus on automation and would welcome the opportunity to contribute to your long-term production and quality improvement goals.


    Please review my attached resume for additional details regarding my expertise and career achievements. I will follow up to request an appointment to discuss how my experience and background meet your needs.
    Thank you for your time and consideration.





    Sincerely,

    <Your Name>

    Hope this helps. Good luck with your dream job!

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