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  1. keannu's Avatar
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    #1

    overpopulation problems

    Here is my entire writing. Sentences without "*" are original ones, and those with "*" are my corrections with all the teachers' here applied. The two are for comparison. If you make further corrections, I would appreciate it.
    ================================================== =

    Topic: Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution

    Both backward countries and advanced countries have problems with increase in population.
    * Both developing countries and advanced countries have problems with increase in population. Overpopulation causes diverse problems.
    Occurring problems in backward countries are different from problems in advanced countries.
    *Problems occurring in backward countries are different from the ones in advanced countries.

    Firstly, overpopulation in backward countries causes a food shortage.
    *Firstly, overpopulation in developing countries causes a food shortage.
    Because population is increasing. By the way, foods is restricted.
    *It's because while population is increasing, the food supply is limited.
    So people should live in poor surroundings.

    On the other hand, overpopulation in advanced countries causes a dwelling shortage and traffic jams.
    * On the other hand, overpopulation in advanced countries causes a housing shortage and traffic jams.
    So those should be overcrowded in the city.
    * So those should overcrowd cities.

    As for solution, In backward countries case, in order to solve problems in backward countries, we have to exploit substitute resources.
    * As for solutions, (in the case of developing countries or where developing countries are concerned), in order to solve their problems, we have to find other resources.
    Exploiting substitute resources will make many food. So that will be able to accommodate increased people.
    *Using other resources will produce more food, so that those countries will be able to (accommodate or feed) people.
    In advanced countries case, we have to secure infrastructures. Infrastructure better than before will revitalize the city and resolve overpopulation.
    * In the case of advanced countries, we have to secure infrastructures. Infrastructures better than before will revitalize the city and resolve overpopulation.

    In short, if overpopulation was proceed in succession, resources or infrastructure will have to develop immediately.
    *In short, if overpopulation continues, we will have to find new resources or build better infrastructures immediately.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: overpopulation problems

    I have a request and a question. First, the request. Define "overpopulation". Now the question. Who would impose the solution?

    (Infrastructure isn't created overnight. It is built over time. As the saying goes, Rome wasn't built in a day.)

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: overpopulation problems

    Say:

    Both advanced countries and developing countries have problems caused by an increase in population.

    How does that happen, and what are those problems?

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: overpopulation problems

    Say:

    Problems occurring in backward countries are different from the ones occurring in advanced countries.

  5. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: overpopulation problems

    Quote Originally Posted by keannu View Post
    Here is my entire writing. Sentences without "*" are original ones, and those with "*" are my corrections with all the teachers' here applied. The two are for comparison. If you make further corrections, I would appreciate it.
    ================================================== =

    Topic: Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution

    Both backward countries and advanced countries have problems with increase in population. No.

    * Both developing countries and advanced countries have problems with increases in population. Overpopulation causes many problems.

    Occurring problems in backward countries are different from problems in advanced countries. No.

    *Problems occurring in developing countries are different from the ones in advanced countries.

    Firstly, overpopulation in backward countries causes a food shortage. No.

    *First, overpopulation in developing countries causes food shortages, because when population is increasing, access to food is limited.

    So people should live in poor surroundings. No! Huh? Why? This doesn't make sense.

    On the other hand, overpopulation in advanced countries causes a dwelling shortage and traffic jams. No.

    * On the other hand, overpopulation in advanced countries causes housing shortages and traffic jams.

    So those should be overcrowded in the city. No. That doesn't make sense.

    * So those should overcrowd cities. No. This means something else but still doesn't make sense.

    As for solution, In backward countries case, in order to solve problems in backward countries, we have to exploit substitute resources. No.

    * As for solutions, developing countries will have to find other resources.

    Exploiting substitute resources will make many food. So that will be able to accommodate increased people.
    No.

    *Using other resources will produce more food, so that those countries will be able to feed more people.

    In advanced countries case, we have to secure infrastructures. Infrastructure better than before will revitalize the city and resolve overpopulation.
    No.

    * In advanced countries, we have to improve infrastructures. Infrastructures This will revitalize cities and resolve overpopulation.

    In short, if overpopulation was proceed in succession, resources or infrastructure will have to develop immediately. No.

    *In short, if overpopulation continues, we will have to find new resources and build better infrastructures immediately.
    Thank you for putting this together into one post!

    1. We've all said that the correct term is "housing shortages." Use it.

    2. We've also said not to use backward in this way. Look it up. You'll see why it's a bad word choice.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  6. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #6

    Re: overpopulation problems

    Do you understand the saying, "Rome wasn't built in a day"?

  7. keannu's Avatar
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    #7

    Re: overpopulation problems

    Sorry, I made a same question again.
    Last edited by keannu; 05-May-2016 at 16:25.

  8. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #8

    Re: overpopulation problems

    I am not at all sure what you mean by that ("made a question"). (We ASK questions.)

    What I do know is that you haven't responded to any questions of mine. I am not sure why that is.

  9. Barb_D's Avatar
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    #9

    Re: overpopulation problems

    Quote Originally Posted by keannu View Post
    Here is my entire writing. Sentences without "*" are original ones, and those with "*" are my corrections with all the teachers' here applied. The two are for comparison. If you make further corrections, I would appreciate it.
    ================================================== =

    Topic: Describe some of the problems that overpopulation causes, and suggest at least one possible solution

    Both backward countries and advanced countries have problems with increase in population.
    * Both developing countries and advanced countries have problems with increase in population. Overpopulation causes diverse problems.
    Occurring problems in backward countries are different from problems in advanced countries.
    *Problems occurring in backward countries are different from the ones in advanced countries. - You missed this one in your correction.

    Firstly, overpopulation in backward countries causes a food shortage.
    *Firstly, overpopulation in developing countries causes a food shortage.
    Because population is increasing. By the way, foods is restricted.
    *It's because while population is increasing, the food supply is limited. - The suggestion above to combine these sentences is better than this, but if you must keep it as two sentences, it should that "This is because" not "It is because."
    So people should live in poor surroundings.

    On the other hand, overpopulation in advanced countries causes a dwelling shortage and traffic jams.
    * On the other hand, overpopulation in advanced countries causes a housing shortage and traffic jams.
    So those should be overcrowded in the city.
    * So those should overcrowd cities.

    Charlie, he already knows the ones with the * are not right. That's why he corrected them.

    I think you are both confused about the word "should."

    The sentences in blue don't have a corresponding corrected sentence so I'm confused about whether they are the original or your correction.

    The next set has the * after the non-* -- so which is which?

    99% of the time, "in order to" should be "to."
    I'm not a teacher, but I write for a living. Please don't ask me about 2nd conditionals, but I'm a safe bet for what reads well in (American) English.

  10. keannu's Avatar
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    #10

    Re: overpopulation problems

    Tarheel, I'm sorry if I annoyed you by not answering some of your questions. I really appreciate your help, but some answers were hard to answer or understand. Like the asking to have the original writer join the forum - it's hard for me to do it or "Rome wasn't built in a day"- Did it mean to teach me a lesson or something? I couldn't get it.
    Anyway, thanks a lot for your help!

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