I'm working on an indie game in which the main character is told some stories while he is dreaming. (The player plays the dreams.)
Would you please tell me if the stories sound understandable enough and if there are any mistakes?
Thank you very much.
Here are the stories:
"Once there was a tree that wanted to move to explore the world, but it didn't know how to free itself from the ground.
So it sent messengers in the form of leaves [no comma] to ask every species of life if it knew how the tree could do that.
One leaf asked the tigers, but they couldn't answer.
One leaf asked the dolphins, but they couldn't answer.
One leaf asked the fennec foxes and the snow leopards and the polar bears... but they couldn't answer.
And the tree died in despair because none of its leaves even came back.
It didn't realize that it had now explored the world entirely." [I don't understand that sentence. Can you say it differently?]
"Ah, you should have seen those eyes. Beautiful, brilliant eyes. All the colors, green, orange, had join to form those bright lines,
mixed in a deep ocean of blue, staring at you as if a universe of innocence and benevolence was watching you.
But there was a war - a sad war - [Use the same symbol on both sides of enclosed words: (. . .), ". . .", -. . .-] in those eyes. And the tears that should have never existed, the tears that now threatened Existence itself,
those tears were deadly weapons, the most feared, powerful, deadly weapon."
"Once there was a lioness, a very powerful lioness. Every day [This is a very common error. "Everyday" does not mean "every day"!] she would see her enemies running away in fear.
But Every evening ["Everynight" is not a word.], when the sun started to set, [The sun doesn't set at night.] she would hear the wolves howling at the moon.
The lioness was afraid of the wolves and therefore she hated the moon, because each time she looked at it, it would remind her of the wolves.
What she didn't know was that the moon was only trying to guide her to somewhere safe."
"Dalkiorus was a powerful beast that nobody seemed able to defeat. All the fire thrown towards it [No comma.] would make it more dangerous.
All the sword blows and thunderous hits would make it more ferocious.
It didn't fear frost, it didn't fear you.
But one day, a boy came to the beast and simply stood here, facing it.
He didn't try to attack it, instead, he just looked into the eyes of the beast.
The more the boy looked, and the more he understood what the beast really was.
Then the beast saw its own reflection in the boy eyes, and it [Delete "too." The boy wasn't also remembering something.] remembered what it was." [This last line is confusing. You said at first that it was a powerful beast. Wasn't it? If it was something else, you need to tell us what, or the line won't make sense.]
"Once there was a man who was blind, yet he would act like he could see everything around him. A boy asked him, "How do you manage to
move with such ease?", and the man answered: "I can't see the world, but I can feel the heat coming from every part of it.
I can feel the heat coming from your heart, I can feel the shape of the trees hiding this heat [Delete "it."] from me,
and I can feel the coldness coming from [Delete "the."] villains.
Therefore I am not blind at all, I simply see the world differently than you do.""
Student or Learner