[Essay] The H-3 operation

[Flogger]

Hello,

This is a super short story written by me based on a real event. I would appreciate it if you would proofread it.

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The H-3 operation

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The sky was half clear and a biting wind rustled the trees fear of a macabre flying. Eight phantoms were ready to soar to the heavens and make the foe bristle. Sixteen intrepid pilots were going to jeopardise their lives to do a job that they might never come back. But, when it comes to pride and fatherland the life is the most mundane thing that a veteran can think about it.

Having transported its bombers to the remotest air bases located at Al waleed, Iraq imagined Iranian bombers could never reach the place. Although, the Iraqi commander’s dream of keeping their bombers safe was just a hallucination.

On 4 April 1981, eight F-4 E Phantoms managed to pass the joint border of Turkey-Iraq with assistance of two steps refueling. Iranian pilots had to aviate more than 3500 KM in order to complete the mission. And, according to the complexity of the operation, it has been recorded as one the sophisticated air strikers carried out in the world.

There were two choices before the contrivers of this operation; a long way and a short way. In addition to the long way towards Al waleed, it was also a shorter route. But, as to the plethora of dangerous in it, the devisers of Iranian Air Force, the late Izadseta and the late Houshyar, decided to choose the long way. Because, crossing through the shared border of Iraq-Turkey would deceive the enemy and in accordance with the evidence, supposedly vigilant commanders of Iraqi army thought that aircraft flying on the sky belonged to Turkish Army.

The strike according to the plan began and Iranian eagles were able to surreptitiously reach Al waleed after three hours uneventful flight and took the control of its sky.

Heavily bombs were dropped upon the infamous Saddam’s air force fleet and the above mentioned bases turned into a hell in the blink of an eye. Over 50 war craft perished and many astray soldiers and commanders succumbed to the strike.
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Regards.

 

[Tarheel]

Unfortunately, you start it badly. It is hard to make sense out of the first sentence. For starters, I am not sure what you mean by "half clear". Partly cloudy? Also, trees don't rustle.

 

[Tarheel]

Also, "rustle the trees" doesn't work. Perhaps:

The wind was so strong that you could see the tree limbs waving and hear the leaves rustling in the breeze.

I don't know what you mean by "macabre flying".

 

[Tarheel]

The second sentence is okay except "Phantoms" should be capitalized. (Are you trying for a creative writing prize?) For the third sentence you need to say that the pilots were going to risk their lives to do a job they might never come back from. (You could argue that "jeopardize" means the same as "risk".)

 

[Tarheel]

Do you know what it means to make somebody bristle?

 

[Tarheel]

Perhaps:

They were ready and willing to risk their lives to defend their country.

You do know that being the pilot of a fighter/bomber aircraft is an inherently risky job, don't you?

 

[Tarheel]

Second paragraph. First sentence. They didn't transport their bombers there. They flew them there. Second sentence. Start with "However" instead of "Although". And delete "just".

 

[Tarheel]

Third paragraph. Say:

On 4 April 1981, eight F-4 E Phantoms flew over the border between Turkey and Iraq. (They made two stops along the way to refuel.) Iranian pilots had to fly more than 3500 KM....

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

The operation has been recorded as one of the most most sophisticated air strikes ever carried out.

 

[Tarheel]

Fourth paragraph. Say:

The planners of the operation had to choose between two routes. They had to choose between a long way and a short way.

 

[Tarheel]

Say:

The planners of the operation chose the long way. That is because by flying through Turkish air space they could deceive the enemy into believing that their planes belonged to the Turkish Air Force.

 

[Tarheel]

Paragraph five. The strike went according to plan. The Iranian warplanes reached Al waleed undetected. After three hours of uneventful flight, they took the Iraqi defenders completely by surprise.

 

[Tarheel]

Paragraph six. Say:

Heavy bombs were dropped on the Iraqi Air Force fleet. The Al waleed air base was turned into an inferno in the blink of an eye. Over 50 warplanes were destroyed, and many airmen and commanders were killed in the raid.

 

[Flogger]

Unfortunately, you start it badly. It is hard to make sense out of the first sentence. For starters, I am not sure what you mean by "half clear". Partly cloudy? Also, trees don't rustle.

I meant half-bright. I wanted to use "twilight" but it means when the sun starts setting down not when it begins to come up.

 

[Flogger]

Also, "rustle the trees" doesn't work. Perhaps:

The wind was so strong that you could see the tree limbs waving and hear the leaves rustling in the breeze.

I don't know what you mean by "macabre flying".

The story is about a dangerous air strike. I wanted to portrait even trees were afraid of such a perilous flying mission. So, I used macabre flying.

 

[Flogger]

The second sentence is okay except "Phantoms" should be capitalized. (Are you trying for a creative writing prize?) For the third sentence you need to say that the pilots were going to risk their lives to do a job they might never come back from. (You could argue that "jeopardize" means the same as "risk".)

Phantoms (capitalised) indicate that I'm talking about a kind of war craft. But, I capitalised it not in order to show that 8 (ghosts or phantoms) were ready to do a tough task.

Yes, I am :-D

 

[Flogger]

Do you know what it means to make somebody bristle?

Yes, I do. It means to frighten somebody that it finally eventuates to the the rising up of his hair.

 

[Flogger]

Perhaps:

They were ready and willing to risk their lives to defend their country.

You do know that being the pilot of a fighter/bomber aircraft is an inherently risky job, don't you?

I definitely know. One of my dreams was to become a pilot of Iranian Air Force.

 

[Tarheel]

I meant half-bright. I wanted to use "twilight" but it means when the sun starts setting down not when it begins to come up.

Then you want say "dawn" or maybe "pre-dawn". On the other hand, you don't have to use either one. Perhaps:

The first rays of the morning sun were barely peeking over the horizon.

So you know that although it is dark now it is going to get steadily brighter.

 

[Tarheel]

The story is about a dangerous air strike. I wanted to portrait even trees were afraid of such a perilous flying mission. So, I used macabre flying.

OK, but I wouldn't use "macabre" there. Perhaps:

The smell of death filled the air.

Or something like that.