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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Arabic
      • Home Country:
      • Egypt
      • Current Location:
      • United Arab Emirates

    • Join Date: Nov 2015
    • Posts: 3
    #1

    transferring to another university email

    Hey guys
    So i wanted to email a university i wanted to register for
    the first and the second paragraphs were taken from a different thread (https://www.usingenglish.com/forum/t...-is-it-correct)
    So i tried to edit the main letter myself, if you could just please check if the english is fine and the formail emailing format and the paragraphs dividing
    just check the whole thing

    here the email starts


    Greetings Student Recruitment & Admission Department,
    This is to request more information about your Pharmacy and Pharmaceutical Industries course. I am extremely interested in this course and I am anxious to apply for it in your renowned University for admission in 2016/2017.
    I am a Cambridge International Examinations (CIE) student, who completed the International General Certificate of Secondary Education (IGCSE) course in the year 2010, in The Westminster School, Dubai. I registered in Ajman University of Science and Technology, Ajman, for Pharmacy and Human Sciences College in 2011/2012. Unfortunately I couldnít achieve the required passing grade and was under the Academic Warning Policy provided by the university rules, and was forced to transfer to another college, so I chose Business Administration College in the same university. Regrettably, it didnít work for me either, although I still have a chance to get over the warning in the following summer course and the first semester of the next year, raising my AGPA to more than 2.0.
    Having shown that, I am really curious if the admission chance in Deraya University is still available for students of my situation.
    Thank you in advance for your attention to my request, I look forward to receive your response.
    Yours Sincerely,
    Mohammed Ahmed

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,061
    #2

    Re: transferring to another university email

    If it's the title of the course, then capitalize "pharmacy" and "pharmaceutical". Otherwise, no.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,061
    #3

    Re: transferring to another university email

    I know it's popular to use "anxious" to mean its opposite, "eager". But it's not necessary.

  4. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,061
    #4

    Re: transferring to another university email

    Let's back up a little bit.

    If it's something you haven't done but would like to do, say you WANT to do it.

  5. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,061
    #5

    Re: transferring to another university email

    The first sentence should read:

    I want to email a university about registering there.

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