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    #1

    Please help me correct the following e-mail. Thank you.

    Please help me correct the following e-mail. Thank you.

    Dear Mr. Smith,

    In response to your e-mail dated 14.03.2016, we would like to provide the following information:

    Q.1) There is truly a genunie need for a proper and larger store room for our highly-patronized clubhouse to store spare serviceable equipment such as rubbish bins, horticultural equipment, notice boards and to accommodate the regular need for the storage of equipment and machines from various sports associations when they are holding their activities at our clubhouse. To be honest, we have assessed several options of how to use the area of the vacant kiosk and we trust that the proposed conversion of the kiosk into a storeroom is the most realistic alternative.

    Q.2) We previously used the kiosk as a temporary store room for storage of the equipment for the company's subvented training courses like the Cycling Proficiency Scheme and for better use of the available space, we asked our technical division to put up some racks for proper storage and arrange some minor touch up inside the kiosk. We will continue to store spare servicable equipment in the converted store room as stated above and intend to temporarily store some defective sports and horticultural equipment in the future.

    Q.3) The estimated total area of the store room is calculated based on the inclusion of the current vacant kioks's cooking area , servicing area and toilet, which brings the total to 50 meter square and we have no intention of reverting the store room into a kiosk in the near future.

    Q.4) We have taken the Energy Clubhouse's recent experience as an example when considering converting the vacnt kiosk into a store room. The Energy Clubouse have recently converted their kiosk into a store room, whose size is reported to be 48 meter square, to cater for the growing demand for storage area from their customers and district events.

    Yours sincerely,
    CB

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
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      • United States
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      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,085
    #2

    Re: Please help me correct the following e-mail. Thank you.

    You need to do some trimming. Perhaps:

    We need a larger storeroom for our clubhouse.

    OR

    We need more storage space for our clubhouse.

  2. teechar's Avatar
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      • Iraq
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      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 6,183
    #3

    Re: Please help me correct the following e-mail. Thank you.

    Quote Originally Posted by chowbarry View Post
    Dear Mr. Smith,

    In response to your email dated 14.03.2016, we would like to provide the following information:

    Q.1) There is truly a genunie genuine need for a proper and larger store room for our highly patronized clubhouse to store spare serviceable equipment such as rubbish bins, horticultural equipment, noticeboards and to accommodate the regular need for the storage of equipment and machines from various sports associations when they are holding their activities at our clubhouse. To be honest, we have assessed several options of how to use the area of the vacant kiosk, and we trust that the proposed conversion of the kiosk into a storeroom is the most realistic alternative.

    Q.2) We previously used the kiosk as a temporary storeroom for storage of the equipment for the company's subvented training courses like the Cycling Proficiency Scheme, and for better use of the available space, we have asked our technical division to put up some racks for proper storage and arrange for some minor touch-up inside the kiosk. We will continue to store spare serviceable equipment in the converted store room as stated above, and we intend to temporarily store some defective sports and horticultural equipment in the future.

    Q.3) The estimated total area of the storeroom is calculated based on the inclusion of the current vacant kioks's cooking area, servicing area and toilet, which brings the total to 50 square meters, square and we have no intention of reverting converting the storeroom back into a kiosk in the near future.

    Q.4) We have taken the Energy Clubhouse's recent experience as an example when considering converting the vacant kiosk into a storeroom. The Energy Clubhouse have recently converted their kiosk into a storeroom whose size is reported to be 48 square meters, square, to cater for the growing demand for storage area from their customers and district events.

    Yours sincerely,
    CB
    .

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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      • United States

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    #4

    Re: Please help me correct the following e-mail. Thank you.

    You don't need "truly" or "genuine" (in the first sentence), and you probably don't need to list everything that's in the storeroom. And "To be honest" is another thing you can delete.

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