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    #1

    Red face Please check my GRE Argument Task (International Student)

    Dear friends of UsingEnglish,

    I am an international student and I am preparing for taking the GRE Exam this month.
    - If possible, I would like to ask you to evaluate my argument task (written in 30min).


    Thank you so much in advance :)

    ----------------------------------------------

    The following argument was made in a newspaper editorial:“The autonomy of any country is based on the strength of its borders; if the number of illegal immigrants entering a country cannot be checked, both its economy and national identity are endangered. Because illegal immigrants pose such threats, every effort must be made to return them to their country of origin.”


    Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

    The provided argument contains flaws mainly in terms of how it propose the risks by allowing illegal immigrants in a certain country. We evaluate negatively the argument by posing the lack of defined terms, the role of illegal immigrants in some countries and how the own history has shown it differently.

    Firstly, one can notice the author does not provide a clear description of how the national identity and the economy will be endangered with the entrance of illegal immigrants. This is a vague argument in which one measurable can not be found for indicating with data its validity.
    In other words, what will be in danger with the entrance of illegal immigrants? The language, the culture or jobs of the indigenous people?

    The former points are not taken into question by the argument and, even if it were, there are several reasons for disagreeing with them. For instance, the illegal immigrant can positively influence the local economies by working in the low-level skill jobs, which generally the national community does not want to do. With their income they are able to buy groceries and pay rent, fostering, instead of hindering, the local market and the national economy.

    In addition, the history itself shows how the countries and cultures are generally connected. Consider, for instance, the German community in the south of Brazil. Firstly they arrived in the 19th century as illegal immigrants, they developed several agricultural and industrial technologies that fostered the Brazilian economy. Nowadays, they are integrated part of the national culture, influencing not only the south but the whole country.

    Another point to consider is the relationship between autonomy and border restrictions. While connecting the autonomy of a country with its borders strength, the author misconstrue the role of the political and diplomatic relationships of a country and its role in the global economy. Taxing a country's autonomy to only such factor is clearly dubious.

    Surely, one could develop this argument by providing further descriptions of how a illegal immigrant threats a country. For instance, by comparing states or cities with disparate number of illegal immigrants.

    Because of this argument uses unwarranted assumptions and uses vague language to convince the reader, it fails to conclude that illegal immigrants are a threat to the national autonomy.

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Please check my GRE Argument Task (International Student)

    I do not know what "propose the risks" means. I also do not know what "posing the lack of defined terms"means.

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    #3

    Re: Please check my GRE Argument Task (International Student)

    Hi,

    "The provided argument contains flaws mainly in terms of how it propose the risks by allowing illegal immigrants in a certain country. We evaluate negatively the argument by posing the lack of defined terms, the role of illegal immigrants in some countries and how the own history has shown it differently."

    - The flaws are mainly in how the argument proposes* (presents) the risks of allowing illegal immigrants.
    - The manner we evaluate the argument is by posing* (introducing) the presence of vague terms - such as national identity or economy, instead of, for example, unemployment or decrease of the GDP (lack of defined terms).

    However, I do see there are better ways to express such meanings.

    Thank for answering!
    Kind Regards,

  2. Newbie
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    #4

    Re: Please check my GRE Argument Task (International Student)

    Although there were moments when I couldn't get what you meant but all in all you wrote a pretty decent essay. Still, if I were you, I'd change the beginning to something like this:

    Illegal immigrants may or may not pose a threat to a country's stability. And this depends on the facts one gathered to back their point of view. And unfortunately the author of this argument could show clearly how illegal immigration negatively affects social and economic life of the country. In fact, the argument lacks defined term (not sure what you meant here); it doesn't show properly the role of illegal immigrants and immigration as a whole through time in this particular country.


    Last edited by Rover_KE; 17-May-2016 at 18:39. Reason: Deleting links to sites we cannot endorse.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Please check my GRE Argument Task (International Student)

    Waltaff, I would like to know what part of that essay is clear and well-written.

    Pelts-student, when you talk to somebody you want them to understand what you are saying. It is the same when you write an essay. You (presumably) want the reader to understand what you are saying.

    You overuse "the" in that essay.

    Summarize the argument you are responding to, and then clearly state the reasons you agree or disagree. Don't just say something. Clearly state the reasons you know it is true.

    If I say I don't understand something that you should keep using that phrase. It means you should stop using that phrase.

    Why do you think your teacher assigns essays to you? Is it just to give you something to do, or is there another reason?

    A better title for this thread would have been:

    Immigration Issues

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