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    #1

    As the fat man spoke

    I am wondering if me sentence sounds natural. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    As the fat man spoke, layers of his flesh on his ruddy face shook with anger.

  1. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: As the fat man spoke

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    I am wondering if me sentence sounds natural. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    As the fat man spoke, layers of [Delete "his."] flesh on his ruddy face shook with anger.
    Vivid! Just lose the first "his" and you're there.
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

  2. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: As the fat man spoke

    Quote Originally Posted by Bassim View Post
    I am wondering if me my sentence ...
    See above.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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