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      • Native Language:
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    #1

    When a ballet

    Can anyone check my writing please, thanks.

    Short plot
    When a ballet dancer is diagnosed with a lifelong illness, her newfound love opens up an entirely new world to her through his music.

    Long plot
    Mia is a ballet dancer who breathes dancing. One day, she is in a terrible mood and accidentally injures a pianist, Alex, on his left hand. Guilty, she offers to be his helper during recovery, and Alex, who at first does not care about her, starts seeing the sunshine in her. He starts falling for her, and he discovers the reason behind her constant terrible mood, and why she cannot dance as much anymore, leading him to write her a song.

  1. Charlie Bernstein's Avatar
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      • English
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      • United States
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      • United States

    • Join Date: Jan 2009
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    #2

    Re: When a ballet

    Quote Originally Posted by Gaya87 View Post
    Can anyone check my writing please, thanks.

    Short plot
    When a ballet dancer is diagnosed with a lifelong illness, her newfound love opens up an entirely new world to her through his music.

    Long plot
    Mia is a ballet dancer who lives and breathes dancing. One day, she is in a terrible mood and accidentally injures a pianist, Alex, on his left hand. Feeling guilty, she offers to be his helper during recovery, and Alex, who at first did not care about her, starts seeing the sunshine in her. He starts falling for her, and he discovers the reason behind her constant terrible mood [no comma] and why she cannot dance as much anymore, leading him to write her a song.
    Okay?
    I'm not a teacher. I speak American English. I've tutored writing at the University of Southern Maine and have done a good deal of copy editing and writing, occasionally for publication.

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