[Essay] Cae preparation essay: a report

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Sudsette

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Hi everyone!
I'm writing to ask you for help with my CAE preparation. I wrote a report, could you please tell me if it's ok?

Here is the task:
"umbers of foreign students attending a language school in your town have been falling recently and a governor´s committee has been established to increased future numbers.
The school principal has asked you to write a report for this committee on the current situation and to recommend how more students could be attracted to the school. Your report should address the folliwng:
• What attracts foreigners to your town.
• New teaching methods and facilities that could be offered.
• How leisure facilities and opportunities for socializing could be improved.
Write your report in 220-260 words. "

HERE IS MY REPORT

Introduction
The aim of this report is to provide suggestions to increase the number of students coming to study in our city. In order to do so, I will take three main aspects into consideration.


The cultural factor
Many foreign students coming to our city mentioned culture as the most appealing factor. We should definitely keep this hint in mind while working to improve our city’s attractiveness. To this respect, we should focus on our city’s identity and highlight its potential. At the same time, we should enhance the level of our schools and universities.

Quality learning
I would suggest that you work on our teaching offer to make it more interesting. The committee should recruit qualified teachers and promote group learning in opposition to self study. It is my firm belief that this way people would be more likely to move to our city to study here for some time.

Fun in the city
On the other side, you should also take into account leisure activites. As recent surveys show, the offer of free time activities is as important as that of teaching methods for students chosing a foreign university. I would also recommend looking for host families in the city centre and put them directly in touch with perspective foreign students. This would make them feel welcome and at the same time help them figuring out how their life in our city is going to be.

Conclusion
As some say, practice makes perfect: to acquire a language it is necessary to speak it in your everyday life. All of my suggestions go in this direction: increasing students opportunities to socialize and express themselves.
 
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Tarheel

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Three things.

I am guessing that "umbers" is a typo.

Say:

We should definitely keep this in mind....

Say:

At the same time, we should improve our schools and universities.
 

Tarheel

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What is CAE?
 

Sudsette

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Hi!
Thanks for your corrections Tarheel.
CAE stands for Cambridge certificate in Advanced English. It's a C1 level exam.

Is there anything else to note about the text?
 

Tarheel

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Hi!
Thanks for your corrections Tarheel.
CAE stands for Cambridge certificate in Advanced English. It's a C1 level exam.

Is there anything else to note about the text?

First, thank you for that explanation.

Second, I hadn't gotten very far, so I guess there is more.
 

Tarheel

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I have read the whole thing, and there are only minor errors in the rest of it. Let's start with:

I would suggest

There is nothing wrong with that, but "I suggest" is polite enough.
 

Tarheel

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You might say:

But Ron, that's just your opinion.

And I would say:

Of course it is! And if you want somebody else's opinion, ask them.
 

Tarheel

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Next paragraph. Say:

for students CHOOSING...

And:

I would also recommend looking for host families...and PUTTING them directly in touch with PROSPECTIVE foreign students.
 

Tarheel

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Say:

This would make them feel welcome and at the same time help them FIGURE OUT how their life in our city is going to be.
 

Tarheel

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Next paragraph. One minor change. Put an apostrophe after "students". Finished! Good job!
 

Sudsette

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Hi! Thanks a lot for your corrections! I'm glad I didn't do any big mistake and I appreciate a lot that you took the time to highlight these inaccuracies!
Thanks again!
 

Tarheel

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Please note that the phrase is "make mistakes". We don't "do" mistakes. We make mistakes.

(Since I learn from my mistakes, I make as many mistakes as I can so I can learn from them.)
 
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