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    #1

    please review my essay and give your explanations

    It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be.

    Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.

    Include any relevant examples from your experience.

    You should write at least 250 words.

    Answer :

    Today we are living in a very competitive society with improving needs and wants. Each and every person tries to obtain their requirements and fulfill their lives better. Therefore, the bond with the family has been disrupted. As a result, every person has been influenced by the society to keep them in a certain stage. It is a very bad situation that we face recently.

    In past, we could see every family loves to live closer and they wouldn’t like to break the relationship between the family members. They found money and lived together without disrupting their family life. But today, It has become ruined and people have moved to find luxury lives and hedonism and they are not contended with what they have.

    Recently, many families have moved out from their mother towns and more are accumulated in to metropolitans to earn more money and develop their business activities. This is attributed to break the relationship with families. Some are travelling overseas to find highly rewarded employments without thinking their families. It is considerable upto some extent, but we cannot say it is acceptable.

    However many people cannot live as families due to their requirements. They have to keep off from the families, consequently many demerits are occurred. For an instance children’s education can be broken down and the relationship between the children can be fade away. Many children can be addicted to some bad activities which are rejected by the society such as smoking, drinking, alcohol and so on.

    Husband and wife relationship is disrupted in some cases. Sometimes husband has to travel far away or overseas to keep the family well, consequently the connection breaks and family life gets damage.

    Finally, Family life is more important, so it is required to keep closer in order to achive good results. If families have good income to ascertain their needs and wants, they will be closer. All the facilities should be expanded in the country in similar manner. Therefore we can keep the family closer without interrupting their relationship with the family.

  1. teechar's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: please review my essay and give your explanations

    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    It is generally acknowledged that families are now not as close as they used to be.

    Give some reasons why this change has happened and suggest how families could be brought closer together.

    Include any relevant examples from your experience.

    You should write at least 250 words.

    Answer :

    Today, we are living live in a very competitive society with improving ever-increasing individual needs and wants, Each and where every person strives for tries to obtain their requirements and fulfill their lives a better standard of living. Therefore, This focus on the individual has often weakened the bond within the family.
    has been disrupted.
    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    As a result, every person has been influenced by the society to keep them in a certain stage.
    I have no idea what that means!

    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    It is a very bad situation that we face recently.
    That is informal and doesn't serve any purpose in your essay.

    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    In the past, we could see every family members preferred loves to live closer to each other, and they wouldn’t like to break the generally had stronger bonds and relationships with each other. between the family members.
    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    They found money and lived together without disrupting their family life.
    I have no idea what that means.

    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    But today, It has become ruined family ties are much weaker, and people have readily move away in search of a better standard or living or their own choice of lifestyle. to find luxury lives and hedonism and they are not contended with what they have.

    Recently, many families people have moved out from their mother hometowns and more are accumulated in to into large cities and metropolises tans to try and earn more money and develop or to set up their own business. activities. This is attributed to break the relationship with has often led to weaker families ties. Some are even travel or migrate ling overseas to find highly paid rewarded employment without thinking about their families.
    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    It is considerable upto some extent, but we cannot say it is acceptable.
    I have no idea what that means.

    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    However many people cannot live as families due to their requirements. They have to keep off from the families, consequently many demerits are occurred. For an instance children’s education can be broken down and the relationship between the children can be fade away. Many children can be addicted to some bad activities which are rejected by the society such as smoking, drinking, alcohol and so on.
    That paragraph is mostly incoherent and has no central theme. Note that you should deal with one idea in anyone body paragraph.

    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    Husband and wife relationship is disrupted in some cases. Sometimes husband has to travel far away or overseas to keep the family well, consequently the connection breaks and family life gets damage.
    This just repeats what you said above.

    Quote Originally Posted by dulanjana View Post
    Finally, Family life is more important, so it is required to keep closer in order to achive good results. If families have good income to ascertain their needs and wants, they will be closer. All the facilities should be expanded in the country in similar manner. Therefore we can keep the family closer without interrupting their relationship with the family.
    I have no idea whether that is supposed to be another body paragraph or the conclusion to your essay.
    Note also that you did not provide any suggestions as to how families can be brought closer together.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: please review my essay and give your explanations

    The reason, in my humble opinion, that families are farther apart emotionally is that they are farther apart physically.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #4

    Re: please review my essay and give your explanations

    Many things can either improve or worsen. Needs and wants can do neither, although they can certainly change.

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