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    #1

    Post please help me to correct my essay, thank you!

    This is a practice whiting task for IELTS, it is truly doesn't matter when will I give it to teacher, I don't have to submit to someone or use it in some special occasions... I just want to practice my writing skills by whiting some essay, and I need you correct it so that I could know my limitations and mistakes, that is the only way to improve writing skills. I have another question, do we have to have a deadline of submitting the stuffs we posted or our thread will be closed by moderator?


    The task is as below:


    Caring for children is important in any society. All parents should be required to take childcare courses. To what extent do you agree or disagree?



    The part needed correction is as below:

    There seems to be an unavoidable trend that more and more parents are taking childcare courses . Some people hold the point of view that all parents should be required to take those courses. Nevertheless, in my opinion, taking childcare courses parents can help parents to care for children better, but their are also many unpredictable influential factors make this view a doubtful one.

    Caring for children plays a pivotal role in the development of our society, in which their parents take the most important responsibility. Since child spend most of their time being with their parents when they are young, they could easily be influenced by parentsí behavior, family environment and parentsí educational method. Therefore, parentsí scientific effective ways of caring children are prerequisites for educational quality of child, and taking childcare courses could train parents to have better educational skills, to create an appropriate raising environment, and to rectify parentsí bad-effect behavior. Thus, it was conceived that parents should be required to take childcare courses. However, I take this point as an one-sided and ultra one.

    The first point Iíd like to say is that taking childcare courses donít have to be considered as parentsí obligation. There are other cheaper and time-saving ways for parents to learn caring skills like reading books, absorbing experiences from people older in age and so on. Besides, these ways are also as effective as or even more practical than taking childcare courses. Second, taking childcare courses may bring some adverse effects. Because every child have is unique, a general education method from training class may run afoul of their natural propensity, which will make the result undesirable and unpredictable.

    Broadly speaking, it is conceivable that taking childcare course is a way to help some parents learn some caring skills, and it will benefit childís life and the development of whole society. But it is unnecessary for parents to do so, they should make their choices by taking salaries, spare time, experience and other factors into consideration.


  1. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: please help me to correct my essay, thank you!

    Say:

    The part needing correction is below.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #3

    Re: please help me to correct my essay, thank you!

    We already discussed sentence one, and I gave you a suggestion. Do you remember it?

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    #4

    Childcare Courses. - Yes or No?

    You have done a good job of using a bunch of words to say hardly anything.

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    #5

    Re: please help me to correct my essay, thank you!

    The plural of child is children.

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    #6

    Re: Childcare Courses. - Yes or No?

    Where did you find "unavoidable trend"?

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    #7

    Re: Childcare Courses. - Yes or No?

    Say:

    I just want to improve my writing skills by writing some essays, and I need somebody to point out my mistakes and offer corrections.

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    #8

    Re: Childcare Courses. - Yes or No?

    Thanks a lot!

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