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  1. Newbie
    Student or Learner
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Assamese
      • Home Country:
      • India
      • Current Location:
      • India

    • Join Date: Jun 2016
    • Posts: 7
    #1

    Please check the mistakes in my letter.

    ToThe Hostel Warden, EMV Collage, Las Vegas. Sub: Requesting for withdrawal of hostel security deposit. Sir, With due and humble respect I would like to state a few lines regarding about the subject mentioned above. It is that Sir, I will be leaving hostel by 20th of May 2016 as I will be staying outside thereafter. Therefore I kindly request you to look onto the subject that I have mentioned above. Yours faithfullyZsch Kyong

  2. Moderator
    Interested in Language
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Dec 2015
    • Posts: 19,335
    #2

    Re: Please check the mistakes in my letter.

    I doubt that an American college has a post called "hostel warden". Are you sure you have the correct job title?

    Here's a more natural version of your letter. Americans like to get to the point, so I removed all the apologetic and obsequious language. The letter doesn't make sense though, as May 20th 2016 is in the past. Do you mean to say I left the hostel on May 20th​?

    Re: security deposit

    I will be leaving the hostel by May 20th 2016. Please return my security deposit.

    Thank you,

    Zsch Kyong
    I am not a teacher.

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