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    #1

    Devout Muslim with a long bushy beard

    This sentence from my text which I currently write is causing me a problem. I am not sure if it sounds natural, and I believe I have not punctuated it correctly. Would you please correct my mistakes?

    An overweight, devout Muslim with a long bushy beard holding in one hand prayer beads, in another a rolled prayer rug, strode by giving the distinguished guests a scornful stare

  1. emsr2d2's Avatar
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    #2

    Re: Devout Muslim with a long bushy beard

    It's a bit convoluted and fixing it while keeping the word order would require a lot of commas! Perhaps try:

    An overweight, bearded Muslim man, carrying prayer beads in one hand and a rolled-up prayer mat in the other, gave the distinguished guests a scornful stare as he strode by.

    I really don't think you can tell by looking at someone that they are devout.
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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