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      • Native Language:
      • Russian
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      • Russian Federation
      • Current Location:
      • Russian Federation

    • Join Date: Jul 2016
    • Posts: 3
    #1

    Could you please help to make my motivation letter better? I would really appreciate!

    Dear everybody! Could you please help to make my motivation letter better? I would really appreciate that!!! Thanks!


    Dear Sir or Madam,
    I am writing to you to apply for the Master’s program in Computer Science at the University of Bonn.
    My name is Elena P___ I am 33 years old. I have been having passion for the computer science since I was 15 years old and my father bought our first home computer and I with great pleasure started to study it. Informatics was my favorite discipline at school so I had been attending optional classes on Informatics. After I have graduated from school, I started “Computer Science and Computer Engineering” Bachelor program at Baltic State Technical University “Voenmeh” n.a. Ustinova in Saint-Petersburg, Russia which I have finished with honors in 2005. These time I was interested in systems of automatic control as well so I have decided to broaden my knowledge by started masters program “Automation and control” at the same university which I have finished with honors in 2007. Simultaneously with studying for masters I had been working part time at «Granit-7» where I was doing researches in the field of methods of signal’s processing. After obtaining masters degree I had been working as a software developer at “Ravenstvo” for a year. On that position I have developed the software for testing gamma therapeutic device’s control system and the software for visualization the motion of gamma therapeutic device on the computer of its operator. Now I have been working at “Concern “Granit-Electron” for 8 years. My main achievements at the company are the following. I developed the software for computer simulation of flight of a pilotless aircraft and the software for frequency-response characteristic of the control system of pilotless aircraft computation and plotting.
    At the present I aim to get a position as a software developer in an international company. And I think that international master program will give me good chances to do that because this is great opportunity to deepen my knowledge in the field of Computer Science, obtain experience of working in international team, improve my language skills. Moreover I believe German Education generally has better quality than Russian and better organized and practically oriented. Moreover the University of Bonn is in top 100 in the World University Ranking 2015-2016.
    Thank you very much for considering my application. I look forward to your positive response.
    Yours sincerely,
    Elena P____
    Last edited by emsr2d2; 10-Jul-2016 at 19:18. Reason: Enlarged font to make post readable

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
      • Home Country:
      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
    • Posts: 11,067
    #2

    Re: Could you please help to make my motivation letter better? I would really appreci

    Try:

    I have been passionate about computer science ever since I was 15 years old....

  2. teechar's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • English
      • Home Country:
      • Iraq
      • Current Location:
      • Iraq

    • Join Date: Feb 2015
    • Posts: 6,180
    #3

    Re: Could you please help to make my motivation letter better? I would really appreci

    Quote Originally Posted by Invarianta View Post

    Dear Sir or Madam,

    I am writing to you to apply for the Master’s program in Computer Science at the University of Bonn.
    My name is Elena P___ and I am 33 years old. I have been having passionate for the about computer science (ever) since I was 15 years old and when my father bought our first home computer, and I, with great pleasure, started to study use it. Informatics was my favorite discipline at school, so I had been attending optional classes on which is why I chose Informatics as one of my elective subject. After I have graduated from school, I started enrolled in the “Computer Science and Computer Engineering” Bachelor program at Baltic State Technical University “Voenmeh” n.a. Ustinova in Saint-Petersburg, Russia which I have finished with honors in 2005. These At that time, I was interested in systems of automatic control as well, so I have decided to broaden my knowledge by started doing a master's program degree in “Automation and control” at the same university which I have finished completed with honors in 2007. Simultaneously with while studying for my master's, I had been worked ing part-time at «Granit-7» where I was doing research es in the field of methods of on signals processing. After obtaining my master's degree, I had been worked ing as a software developer at “Ravenstvo” for a year. On In that position I have developed the software for testing the control systems for gamma therapeutic devices, control system and the software as well as that for visualizing ation the motion of gamma therapeutic devices on the computer of its operator.

    Now I have been working Currently, I'm with at “Concern Granit-Electron” where I have been working for the past 8 years. My main achievements at the company are the following. I developed the software for a computer simulation of the flight of a pilot-less aircraft and the software for frequency-response characteristic of the control system of pilot-less aircraft computation and plotting.

    At the present I aim My present career aspiration is to get a position as a software developer in an international company. And I think that your international master's program will give me a good chance to do that because this is great opportunity to deepen my knowledge in the field of computer science, obtain experience of working in an international team, and improve my language skills. Moreover, I believe German education generally has is of better quality than that in Russian and is better organized and practically oriented. Moreover Furthermore, the University of Bonn is in the top 100 in the World University Rankings for 2015-2016.

    Thank you very much for considering my application, and I look forward to your positive response.

    Yours faithfully, sincerely,
    Elena P____
    .

  3. emsr2d2's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • British English
      • Home Country:
      • UK
      • Current Location:
      • UK

    • Join Date: Jul 2009
    • Posts: 41,849
    #4

    Re: Could you please help to make my motivation letter better? I would really appreci

    Invarianta, I have deleted your last two posts. There is no need to write a new post to say "Thanks" - simply click on the "Thank" button in the bottom left-hand corner of any response you find helpful.

    [Edit: I notice that you already clicked on "Thank". Well done.]
    Remember - if you don't use correct capitalisation, punctuation and spacing, anything you write will be incorrect.

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