[Essay] Writing for pleasure

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Tarheel

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Say:

I was so curious about this boxer that I decided to interview her on the final day of her competition.
 

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Goals are not predetermined. People set goals for themselves.
 

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Say:

The assistant coach pointed to the person I was looking for.
 

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Perhaps:

She was struggling to defend against endless aggressive attacks by her opponent.
 

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You need to change some things. Say that she was competing for a gold medal, not that she had won a gold medal. If she had already won a gold medal she would not have had any matches left.
 
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You need to change some things. Say that she was competing for a gold medal, not that she had won a gold medal. If she had already won a gold medal she would not have had any matches left.
Ah this is my mistake. Thanks for your suggestion
 

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Say:

Obviously, she was at a disadvantage.

And:

Even the most optimistic did not think she could stay on her feet for even a few more seconds.

And:

Her coach prepared to throw in the towel but hesitated.

And:

I guessed that he had the same thought that I did, which was that she had no quit in her. She would have hated him for it.
 

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You can only win one gold medal at a boxing event.
 

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Say:

There were just a couple of seconds before the end of the last round.

Too soon for applause.
 

Tarheel

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Perhaps:

Suddenly she landed a devastating right cross to her opponent's chin. The girl crumpled to the canvas, landing with a thud. A knockout! The match was over, and she had won!

Now it's time for applause.
 

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Now people cheer. They jump up and down and holler.
 
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Perhaps:

Suddenly she landed a devastating right cross to her opponent's chin. The girl crumpled to the canvas, landing with a thud. A knockout! The match was over, and she had won!

Now it's time for applause.
Thanks for your recommendations. Your sentences are way clearer than mine. I think I need to work more on expressing my thoughts. Might you give me some advice or some book/materials that I could improve?
 

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Well, you could Google "writing advice" and see what you get.

(Normally I don't rewrite a story that much, but it was hard to resist. Also, it might be better to show a person what you mean rather than just tell them.)
 

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You can't, of course, do the jaw dropping thing and cheer and cheer at the same time, so you have to choose one. But don't worry! You'll find some place to use it.
 

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The change is rather abrupt and might be a bit jarring for the reader. There are a lot of things left out. Also, you might want to reword the question so it is more interesting (and more grammatical). Perhaps: "Please tell me, in your own words, how...."
 
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