[Essay] Writing for pleasure

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English is not my mother tongue but I have strong interest in writing. I just took my initiation in writing. Here is a part in my writing.
I would like to receive advice on my writing skills, my plot and my style. I am welcome all the recommendation.

...

  1. I used to believe that there is no need to make a specific goal on anything and let hard working does the job, things will be fine. That is not true. Hardworking alone without a set goal is similar to running around without a predetermined destination. At the beginning of the journey, you might be enthusiastic about exploring the new areas which urge you to move on at your highest speed. Without you noticing it, your energy and motivation drains so rapidly that leave you hopelessly standing somewhere far away from your destination at the dawn of day. “Wait. I still live my whole life very well until now without consciously setting any goal”, you might argue. You are right. However, let me show you some benefits of predetermined goals.
    First benefit of setting goals is affirmation of achieving them. I do not talking about psychokinesis, an ability that help someone to do everything just by mental power, or any similar kinds of miracle powers. To explain this seemly magic phenomenon, I would like to share an experience from one of my college friend.
When I was in the college journal club, I was assigned to interview a college fellow who has just won the gold medal in national boxing competition. From her record, she had no prior exposure to competitive sports and just started training boxing for a year. I was so curious about this boxer that I decided to interview her on the spot of her final competition day. The coach assistant pointed at the boxing corner where the girl, I looking for, struggled to defend against endless aggressive attacks from her opponent. Obviously she was in disadvantage. The atmosphere was gloomy. Even the most optimistic club member did not think that she could stand for a few more seconds. At the other side, her coach prepared to throw in the towel but hesitated. I guessed his also had the same thought with me that the boxer did not give up and she would have hated him if he had done so. It was just a couple of seconds before the last round finished; everyone’s tension disappeared, they clapped for her unbelievable effort to stand until last round. Suddenly the whole sport hall was silent. Everyone, including me, jaw dropped. She just landed a heavy cross onto her opponent’s face. It was definitely a knock out.
I was now sitting in front of the girl inside the changing room for the interview. She was a bit skinny but pretty and friendly. After the introduction part and few general questions to build the rapport, I asked her: “What have brought you to the two gold medals in this tournament?”. She took a few seconds to think then opened her bag to take out an old fashioned book and handed it to me. Not waiting for me to ask, she explained “My father gave this book to me before he passed away. He told me that this book is a magic book. If I write things I want in this book and work on them, they will become real in the future. I have written many things and it worked. Interestingly the more specific I wrote the earlier they became real. It does not limit to anything. I could write down the car I desired for when I was in primary, a best friend whom I could share everything with or an A-level exam result with straight A. I have all of them now.” She paused a bit and continued – “And you guess what. Last year I did write down in that book boxing champion title which I have dreamed about long ago. Now, it is beside me. I am not dreaming. It’s real.” She glanced at the giant belt on her thigh....
 

Tarheel

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First sentence. Say:

English is not my mother tongue, but I have a strong interest in writing.

For the second sentence, try:

I have written my first short story in English.

It needs to be three or four paragraphs, not one long one. Also, there are a couple of places where instead of describing things you leave things to the reader's imagination.
 

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Don't change anything in the original post.
 
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First sentence. Say:

English is not my mother tongue, but I have a strong interest in writing.

For the second sentence, try:

I have written my first short story in English.

It needs to be three or four paragraphs, not one long one. Also, there are a couple of places where instead of describing things you leave things to the reader's imagination.
Thanks for your advise.
Do you mean I should leave things for reader to imagine or I should describe more?
 

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Thanks for your ADVICE.
Do you mean I should leave things for reader to imagine or I should describe more?

I didn't say should. I don't know how I could have said it any better.
 

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Say:

I welcome all suggestions.
 

Tarheel

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Say:

I used to believe that there was no need to have specific goals about anything. I thought you could just let hard work do the job.
 

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Perhaps:

That is not true. Hard work without specific destinations is comparable to setting out on a trip without knowing where you are headed.
 

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I don't understand the next sentence. You want to explore the area and at the same time go really fast? The two things are incompatible.
 

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What do you mean by "predetermined destination?
 

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Try:

However, let me show you some benefits of setting goals.
 

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Say:

The first benefit of setting goals is the affirmation of achieving them.
 

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Say:

I am not talking about psychokinesis, the ability to move things with mental power alone. Nor am I talking about any other kind of miraculous power. To explain this seemingly magic phenomenon, I would like to share an experience of one of my college friends.
 

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I don't know how you go from talking about setting goals to talking about psychokinesis.
 

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Next sentence. Say:

When I was in the college journal club, I was assigned to interview a college fellow who had just won a gold medal in a national boxing competition. It was her first experience in competitive sports, and she had only been training for a year.
 

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Don't you mean "journalism club"?
 
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Say:

I am not talking about psychokinesis, the ability to move things with mental power alone. Nor am I talking about any other kind of miraculous power. To explain this seemingly magic phenomenon, I would like to share an experience of one of my college friends.
I try to say that "just by writing the goals down specifically on paper, one could certain that they can achieve them but it is not some kind of psychonkinenis that he just need to sit there and use mental power to get things done". I hope this is a bit clearer
 

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I try to say that "just by writing the goals down specifically on paper, one could BE certain that they can achieve them but it is not some kind of psychonkinenis that he just needS to sit there and use mental powerS to get things done". I hope this is a bit clearer

There is no reason to think that's the case in the first place.
 

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Where did you find "predetermined goals"?
 
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