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      • Native Language:
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      • Switzerland
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    #1

    Level assessment

    Dear teacher,

    Please read my writing below and kindly tell me what is my writing level such intermediate, upper intermediate, advanced etc. and what areas that I need to focus in order to improve my English to upper advanced level / highest level? Appreciate your 360 view feedback on my writing for my improvement


    Organisations do not need to have human resources team to manage their equipment and only one human resource is sufficient to monitor them.
    However, when companies keep on replacing human resources with technology, the society could face severe drawbacks. When unemployment is rate gone up, there will be poverty in the society and competition for jobs will increase. In order to win the competition and meet employer’s expectation job seekers will be forced to gain highest possible skills which could cost lots of money. People who cannot afford to pay for gaining skills will be stuck with unemployment. As a result, people will not have the capacity to full fill their needs which could impact country’s economy.
    Therefore, organisations should not only focus on their business benefits when automating the business process but also think about society future. The Government should come up with a law to enforce business to maintain a reasonable balance between technology equipment and human resources.

  1. Tarheel's Avatar
    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • American English
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      • United States
      • Current Location:
      • United States

    • Join Date: Jun 2014
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    #2

    Re: Level assessment

    Quote Originally Posted by english_learn View Post
    Dear teacher,

    Please read my writing below and kindly tell me what is my writing level such AS intermediate, upper intermediate, advanced etc. and what areas that I need to focus ON in order to improve my English to upper advanced level / highest level? Appreciate your 360 view feedback on my writing for my improvement.
    This part I could understand. As for the rest, it seems that your heart was not in it.

  2. Tarheel's Avatar
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      • American English
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      • United States
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    #3

    Re: Level assessment

    What do you mean by "one human resource"? A person?

    • Member Info
      • Native Language:
      • Vietnamese
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      • Vietnam
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      • Singapore

    • Join Date: Jul 2016
    • Posts: 15
    #4

    Re: Level assessment

    Quote Originally Posted by english_learn View Post
    Dear teacher,

    Please read my writing below and kindly tell me what is my writing level such intermediate, upper intermediate, advanced etc. and what areas that I need to focus in order to improve my English to upper advanced level / highest level? Appreciate your 360 view feedback on my writing for my improvement


    Organisations do not need to have human resources team to manage their equipment and only one human resource is sufficient to monitor them.
    However, when companies keep on replacing human resources with technology, the society could face severe drawbacks. When unemployment is rate gone up, there will be poverty in the society and competition for jobs will increase. In order to win the competition and meet employer’s expectation job seekers will be forced to gain highest possible skills which could cost lots of money. People who cannot afford to pay for gaining skills will be stuck with unemployment. As a result, people will not have the capacity to full fill their needs which could impact country’s economy.
    Therefore, organisations should not only focus on their business benefits when automating the business process but also think about society future. The Government should come up with a law to enforce business to maintain a reasonable balance between technology equipment and human resources.
    [Disclaim: I am not an English teacher. Everything written below is just my personal opinions and suggestions which might not be 100% accurate]
    Dear English learn,
    I am not an English native speaker nor English teacher. I just would like to share my views on your writing and I hope it will be useful for you.
    First of all, your overall writing is not clear. I guess the last sentence (The Government should come up with a law to enforce business to maintain a reasonable balance between technology equipment and human resources) is your thesis statement but it seem not coherent with the introduction closely. I think you move from one sentence to another sentence too fast. For example, I could not see how the first three sentences related to each other. When I read your paragraph again ignoring the first three sentences, I understand your arguments better. Thus, I think you need to work more on your introduction which is the most important part.

    Warm Regards,
    Tran.

  3. Tarheel's Avatar
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    #5

    Re: Level assessment

    English_learn, you need to write shorter, simpler sentences. I can't figure out what you're trying to say.

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